Tomorrow, Chris and I leave for vacation with Chris’ family. We are heading for the Caribbean, guys!!

But it’s never easy. Never easy. So, a bunch of people’s birthdays were entered incorrectly, and, as you can imagine, this is making it difficult to check in with the airline. This shit drives me bananas, and I am so grateful that Chris is here to calm me down. 

PS — our travel agent is awful. And not helpful. If you’re considering booking an Apple vacation, contact me for my “do not call” list. 

The list consists of one name. 

So, I’ll be randomly live-blogging our getting ready and airport adventures. And there will be a bonus live blogger — my SIL Amy will be taking care of the NC portion, because sometimes yinzers move out of state. 

Amy and her beloved. He’s pretty dreamy. 

4:09pm — after leaving work early because of a ticketing issue and running a couple of errands, we are home. Chris has called and talked to three people about this, and there’s no solution. We just have to hope it’s fixed tomorrow when we check in. 

7:34pm — a class in packing by the master, my lovely wife. And gems like “When you have big boobs, this shit is real.”

7:58pm — Graham has received his second shouting, courtesy of the packing genius. 

9:49pm — break for ice cream and “Wynonna Earp.” It should be whiskey and doughnuts, but I have an early flight. For real, though, if you haven’t watched it, you should, especially if you are a fan of the gays and/or genre TV. It’s. So. Good. That’s going to be another blog post in and of itself that’s forthcoming.

12:37am — still awake and need to be up in less than two hours. Finishing up packing and listening to the “Wynonna Earp” fan hangout. More proof that my wife is awesome, since she hasn’t even watched the show yet. We would have fit everything into one suitcase if there weren’t a weight limit!

2:40am — awake. I swear. 

NC UPDATE

2:00– The alarm goes off and it takes me a minute to figure out what’s going on. The good news is that I was actually able to sleep for a few hours! I hit snooze and pretend to go back to sleep.

2:01-2:08– I pretend to sleep while I have a sort of dream about a giant tortoise carrying a box turtle safely across a street on its back. 

2:09– I give up on pretend sleeping and decide not to try to figure out what made these turtles so special that they were being cheered across the road by all humans in the vicinity. I have a text message from the airline that the flight is on time! 

2:18– Another text message from the airline. The flight is still on time. Phew. I got worried for a minute. Hopefully in another ten minutes, I’ll get another reminder. (To be fair, the first message could have been sent hours ago. I didn’t check the time stamp.)

2:23– I packed my face wash, and don’t feel like digging it out of the suitcase, so I use this imposter travel-sized face wash in my cabinet. It claims to be morning fresh, but it really just smells like a grainy, orange-flavored cough syrup I used to take when I had a cough. 

2:28– I now have the “riding backwards on a pig, baby monkey” song in my head for no apparent reason. If you know what I’m talking about, I apologize that it is now in your head. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please check it out: 

https://youtu.be/5_sfnQDr1-o

2:52– Everything by the front door and ready to leave! I found that the poor fish had his light on still and now he thinks it’s morning. Go back to sleep, fish, you’re drunk. Waiting for my taxi to wake up. 

3:11– In the priority line with Aunt Deb and Sarah. Hopefully I’ll be able to check in with them because I’m traveling with them and won’t be kicked out into the “not special” line. 

PGH

3:21am — the moon looks really cool, but when Chris said something about it, I responded with, “That’s no moon.”

3:31am — detoured bc of construction and almost taken out by a tractor trailer. Awesome. 

3:28– American Employees have arrived and are opening things up! 

3:33– The first people in line have been helped. We’re next! 

3:35– More employees have arrived! 

3:43– Out of bag check and headed toward security! Things went smoothly. Aunt Deb is TSA pre-check, but Sarah and I are not! 

3:49– Sarah was told she could go to Pre-check with her mom, but I made it through security before them. They are almost through and we will be ready to sit and wait. And wait. And wait. Starbucks appears to be open. 

3:57am — we are parked! Near 11G. Someone write that down. 

Shuttle-stop selfie! This is what one hour of sleep looks like. 

4:12am — sharing the shuttle with some Star Wars fans. The guy just quoted C3PO, and the kid has an R2D2 suitcase (like I do). 

4:20am — in the check-in line. Fingers crossed that it’s as easy as Amy’s!

4:19– They opened at 4:15. I was the first person in line. Ready to go!

4:26– SARAH AND I ARE TRAVELING WITH DOBBY THE HOUSE ELF!

5:04– On board, got to board with Priority passengers since I’m traveling with Aunt Deb. Sorry, Zone 4 passengers! A little kid was in my seat, so I’m across the aisle from my assigned seat. They moved him over there so he could sit with his siblings. Hopefully we’ll be off in the next twenty minutes. I can’t wait to eat breakfast in Charlotte. I’m starting to get hungry! 

5:55am — all through security, breakfast eaten, and waiting at the gate with 8 of Chris’ family members. One may or may not be drunk and is using a personal fan. She just said, “It’s short. It’s not long.” Yes. Definitely drunk. 

6:24am — so. Tired. Need to board so we can sleep. 

6:32am — boarding has begun, but we are in group four because we couldn’t check in online because the airline thought I was born in 1970, which I was not. So I checked my super-cute R2D2 carry-on. Be safe, little buddy! Bloop-bloop-beep!

6:45– Here we are in Charlotte. I got to sit in front of a family with 5 boys who were all under 7. There was a lot of screaming and arguing and children who wouldn’t sit down. I order a Bloody Mary at breakfast and am told they can’t serve alcohol until 7. I said, well then, I’ll just take the water for 15 minutes. 

6:57am — we are boarded! There was some sort of double booking situation going on. Scheduled to land at 8:30ish. Bye, yinz guys!

7:59 am– saving seats for our people at the gate.

8:16am — landed! The Bojus got in trouble for reclining their seats, Mary Ellen offered to buy me an 8am drink (I declined), and the old dude next to me manspread into my legs and armrest the entire flight. Despite an allergy pill, I only dozed for about 15 minutes. But I did have a delicious Coke, so at least there’s that. 

8:53am — the groups have joined, and the yinzers are almost complete!

9:01am — just me with some Hydes 

9:23am — hopefully the pilot is a better flyer than he is a talker, because he just mispronounced the name of our destination with a “I don’t know if that’s how you pronounce it.” Uh-oh. 

4:39pm — checked in. Exhausted. Many problems but happy to be here. Happy #YinzersOfTheCaribbean, folks!