Lena Luthor Would Never Write This Storyline

Because Lena Luthor is a smart, intelligent, thoughtful woman who probably wouldn’t underestimate the audience of a show about a female superhero.

And I’m not mad, Supergirl. I’m just disappointed, because I know you can do better. And this isn’t some delusional “Kara Danvers was her best in season one” rant. It’s “hey, remember two episodes ago when my girls traipsed around in the Reignforest and saved the day? Me too.” Let’s do that again. 

But I can also talk about last season, so let’s just go there now. Kara vowed to Lena that “now you have someone who will stand up for you — always.” That’s the moment that Lena tells her bestie that while Supegirl may have saved her, Kara Danvers was her hero. But last week, Lena tells Kara that you should never meet your heroes because of her frustations with Supergirl. And we all know Lena Luthor knows exactly what she’s saying, all of the time.

And Kara, friendship isn’t always easy. Sometimes you have to work together through problems and forgive the other person. You can’t just immediately say, “Oh, you did this one thing that I don’t agree with, so fuck you, I’m done.” I mean, other people can, but this light of sunshine in a can that we’ve been sold for two season? She doesn’t do that. And not to mention she’s still overreacting about the whole Kryptonite thing (and anything that’s slightly negative to Kryptonians). That’s like someone burning down a peanut-butter factory because of a nut allergy. Like, I get that you have a nut allergy, but not everyone does, and peanut butter sometimes can be used to subdue supervillains. Whatever. I think this analogy got away from me, so let’s go to the episode.

Lena looks like she’s at her wit’s end. Can you even imagine? She has two friends in National City. One has betrayed her (because she knows Kara is Supergirl), and the other? Well, the other is trying to destroy the world, and she’s the only one who can save her. The only person she has to lean on is James, and because of the forced way their storyline was handled, well, it just doesn’t feel to me like he’s actually someone she can turn to. Besides, much like myself, Lena is used to succeeding at everything she does with minimal effort.

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Lena Luthor is having a bad day. Lena Luthor needs a hug.

I also think it’s very humanitarian that, even though Reign is trying to destroy everything, Lena still gives her full access to Sam’s makeup.

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L Corp has these amazing makeup-remover pads that just took that mask right off.

Oh, and Reign? Don’t threaten Lena Luthor, because this fandom will cut a bitch.

Anyway, Kara, EVERYTHING IS NOT AN ATTACK ON YOU. Without Lena, you’d all have pain Reigning down on you. Let her solve the problem and save the day because Lena Luthor is a good person. Lena Luthor is a hero. Maybe you should take a page out of her leather-bound, expensive notebook and act like her. Lena was right. She really does have a God complex.

And just like last week, Lena does not back down. She’s getting the job done. She knows she’s a good person, and it doesn’t matter what that bitch in boots thinks, even if she does know Cape Tricks (TM) now, which apparently will solve every single problem ever.

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What…what do you mean you don’t think about me when you’re doing it? Not even Kara Danvers? Not that I’m Kara Danvers. Maybe you’re Kara Danvers. So you don’t think about either of us when you do it?

Kara, talking to James about his woman behind her back is a shit move. That’s not how friends treat each other. Powerful women should build each other up, not tear each other down. And the argument about why Lena can’t know she’s Supergirl? It’s bullshit. Just like Mon-el didn’t need to protect you because you’re Supergirl, you don’t need to protect Lena because she’s LENA FUCKING LUTHOR. Check your God complex at the door and don’t make decisions for other people.

Lena dismissiveness of Supergirl is on point. She’s right — they aren’t friends. Kara is her friend, and until she can come clean about her identity, she doesn’t get the benefit of Lena’s friendship.

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Bitch, why are you still in my lab? Go chase after your stale crouton. You can’t handle this rich main course.

Lena basically calls out Kara for what she did. She makes a point to call her “Supergirl” when she says they aren’t friends, and she compares her to the friends she does have. Kara is doing herself no favors if she thinks she’s keeping her identity a secret. Supergirl doesn’t fidget.

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Or pout.

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This is Lena’s “and that’s news? Really?” face that she’ll have when Kara comes out as Supergirl.

Who would have thought it? A Super and a Luthor, working together to get through maybe the most unbelievable storyline ever.

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I’d like to take a moment to recognize our special guest star, The Braid, who was hiding in plain sight all along.

Amazing how Lena is way more on mission than Kara is. No matter her feelings on Supergirl, nothing will stop her from finding a cure for Sam. Nothing.

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I will fight you with my brain and my words and my cheekbones and my eyebrow. You know the one. Don’t make me use the lip bite. You’ll die.

Kara seems like she finally is starting to realize that Lena doesn’t deserve to be lied to, and Crouton-el talks her out of it. Typical bread. She wouldn’t be telling Lena the truth to make herself feel better! She’d be telling Lena the truth because Lena is her friend and fucking deserves to know! She’s given you no reason to think she can’t handle knowing you’re Supergirl! What the actual fuck?!!

Ahem. Excuse me.

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Lena: I don’t know anything about a goddess, but —

Me: That’s because you are the goddess.

Unlike Kara, Lena Luthor stands by the people she cares about. That’s not what a villain does.

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♫ Sometimes it’s hard to be a Luthor
giving all your love to Guardian ♫

How do these people expect Lena to be able to accurately estimate how long Reign can be contained? She’s a scientist, not a crystal ball.

Alex Danvers corner:

  • Every single one of my galpals here on the Twitter would have cut a bitch to trade places with Ruby and wrap herself around Alex Danvers on a motorcycle.
  • “Hey, let’s take our strongest human fighter and second-smartest person and make her a babysitter! She said she wanted kids, so it’s definitely okay that she’s doing this instead of saving the world against a Worldkiller.” No matter how good she is at it, it’s a bad choice.
  • Alex Danvers makes me gayer every week. Can you imagine next season with her new DEO suit and her real-life haircut? I just got gay pregnant. I’ll be giving birth to twin flannel shirts next week.
  • Like many storylines on this show lately, this SpaceDad/SpaceGrandDad/Alex/Ruby storyline felt rushed and a little stupid. “Have the teenager play foosball with the Martian and then everything will be okay!” Sure, Jan.

Bonus content that didn’t fit anywhere else:

  • Lena’s idea of casual lab wear is ridiculous.
  • Lena telling Kara “I don’t think about you while I’m doing it” is the biggest lie of this episode.
  • I love Eve Tessmacher.
  • Mon-el telling Kara how to deal with Lena is unnecessary. The Kara Danvers we know knows how to talk to Lena Luthor! Stop forcing him on us!
  • What the fuck is Lena doing on her phone? She’s not texting her friends. They’re both in the room. Maybe she’s sexting Alex and AgentCorp is the slow burn we never saw coming, except we all saw it coming.
  • Katie McGrath’s Irish came to play this episode, and I dig it.
  • Why is Mon-el going undercover, exactly?
  • Kara gives more respect to the kid who wants to become a Worldkiller than she does to her best friend.
  • Gee, Kara, see when your powers went all wonky? It’s like sometimes there need to be safeguards in place to protect people from you.
  • If you want us to hate Lena Luthor, don’t cast Katie McGrath. If you want us to be afraid of a villain, don’t cast Chad Lowe.
  • Having Mon-el driving SpaceDad’s ship is adding insult to injury on this episode.

This entire episode was so heavy-handed, no wonder it made me feel like I’d been knocked in the head.

I get that Kara is under a lot of pressure. I get that revealing herself is a difficult choice. But she knows Lena and knows that she can trust her. She should tell her. She’s not protecting Lena. That’s a bullshit excuse, and we’re too smart to believe it.

It feels like there was a sense of panic after the first part of the season — panic over the screen-melting chemistry between two of your platonic friends and panic over the misogynistic ass-hat you tried to make the love interest of your main character. So we took a LoT break and tried to course correct, and…things went horribly wrong.

Don’t want your ladies to get together? Fine. I get it. I don’t agree with it, because that shit would be amazing and genius and groundbreaking, but I get it. The solution doesn’t have to be to make them enemies! Just stop with the flower filling and the lip biting and maybe even just address it with a casual “of course there’s an attraction but we’re friends and just no” and let it go. That’s what people do in real life!

Strong women — these women especially, who we’ve come to know and love over the past three seasons — support each other. They fight and argue, maybe, but through it all is the undercurrent of friendship and trust and love that made them gal pals in the first place. Why are you tearing them down when you could be building them up?

And great job on making your misogynistic prick less of both. Seriously, well done. I don’t abhor Mon-el with every fiber of my being anymore. But then you have him leave his wife and try to make him the hero of a show about a female superhero! She’s her own superhero! Take the cape tricks and fling them into space, for fuck’s sake! Supergirl is nobody’s but her own, and she doesn’t need to be saved!

You can do better, Supergirl. We want you to do better. We have seen you do better. Be the show you know you can be.

See you next week, friends. And remember — if you find yourself in a cult, call a parental unit!

Enjoy a bonus Lena!Screenshot (404)




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