So, as anyone who has read my blog in the last few months knows, I recently became interested in (obsessed with) a little show called Wynonna Earp. Some of the cast and the show runner (!!!) are going to be at Fan Expo in Toronto, and I somehow managed to convince Chris that we should go to it.
She’s beautiful and generous. I’m so lucky.
I may have led with “Gillian Anderson will be there,” but, hey, whatever it takes, right?
So, I got online and bought the tickets, and everything was great, right? Nothing to worry about. I’m going to meet this cast and show runner that I admire and care about so much and —
Oh, shit. I’m going to meet this cast and show runner that I admire and care about so much.
Wait. They’re just as nervous to meet me as I am to meet them, right?
Eh, probably not.
So, there has been a moderate amount of sleeplessness and anxiety. I mentioned that to someone, and they asked why — like what in the world about that situation would make you anxious? So for 10 minutes, I tried to explain how much the show meant to me, why I connected so much with TV characters in general, and how growing up gay in small-town West Virginia connected to that. It was an impassioned speech. Articulate. Moving.
Unfortunately, at the end of this beautiful speech, I feel that she…didn’t get it. And then I felt stupid.
And then I started to get more anxious, which is super great.
As anyone who has read an entry or two here, I (like a lot of people, especially LGBTQ ones) am no stranger to feeling left out, and seeing her reaction, it brought up a whole other level of anxiety about Fan Expo. Within minutes, I had myself convinced that all of the other Earpers would, A, already be super great friends with each other and, B, think I was an idiot. Chris will probably be exploring other areas of the con during the panel so she doesn’t get spoiled (that means you’re going to watch it, then, right, honey?), so I had visions of myself standing in a corner, pretend playing on my phone because I don’t have international data.
Well, that escalated quickly.
I mean, I look so natural. It’s hard to believe I worry that people will think I’m weird.
Basically, I just need to calm the hell down. First of all, Chris told me that if I felt awkward and alone, she would stay with me the entire time, spoilers be damned.
Second of all, this Earper community is seriously the best. I have been talking to a couple other fans on Twitter, and when I sit down and think about it with my brain parts, I really believe I’ll have nothing to worry about. It’s just going to be an awesome, amazing time celebrating this TV show that we are all cuckoo bananas over.
And maybe I could be less like this…
And more like this…
Because that’s how you make friends.
So, maybe it is silly that I feel so strongly about this show. Maybe it’s silly that I connect to strongly with fictional characters. But growing up thinking that you were wrong and then seeing someone (Dr. Carrie Weaver, Ellen Morgan, Graham Eaton, Willow Rosenberg) and realizing that, hey, it’s not just me. Hey, I’m not the only one (Sorry, Melissa). Hey, I’m not wrong. I’m not broken. I’m not evil. I’m just…gay — well, that shit is priceless. And if you’ve lived your life seeing yourself all over the big and small screen, well, how nice for you. I didn’t. So when I do, I connect.
And the best thing about this Earper community? There’s strength in numbers. Because if I tried to explain my feelings about WayHaught for 10 minutes, I’m pretty sure I’d get 10 minutes of agreement and then maybe 10 more minutes about the soul of the show being the relationship between the sisters, then 10 minutes about Wynonna’s motorcycle, then maybe 5 minutes on the role of peaches in the last few episodes, and then a 30-minute-long discussion on whether or not Waverly is an Earp because Bobo said she was and then she wasn’t and then —
Ahem. I think it’s clear I’ve found my crew.
And today on Twitter, I interacted with an office, a purple dress, a unicorn, some handcuffs, and a whole host of other lovely people from around the world. And I think that’s pretty cool.
Still my number-one person, though.