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Saturday in DC

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Chris’ mom works for a company based out of DC, and their summer event was a Nationals game…against the Pirates. So three of her kids and two of their significant others made our way to DC for the weekend (from Pittsburgh and Raleigh).

Chris and I left Friday night around 9:00pm in order to have more family time and avoid the daylight traffic. We had decent weather the whole way, and that meant we got to have some Saturday-morning shenanigans before the game.

So, I’m terrified of heights, as you might remember from my unsuccessful foray into zip-lining. But…I agreed to go on this. 

 

I don’t know who this couple is, but surprise — you’re on a blog!

We bought tickets and then ate lunch. We headed back to the wheel, and I took my life in my hands.

  
I sure hope somebody competent has control of this wheel.

I had the fear sweats for the first few minutes, but when I calmed down, it was a good time. The views were really nice, and we are all pretty funny.

  
During the fear sweats.

You couldn’t see as much of DC as we were hoping, but it was still a nice time.

  
Post fear sweats.

Luckily, there was an easy way not to disengage your pod from the wheel and plummet to the water.

  
Notfall — check.

Then we headed over to the ballfield for the Pirates game. Karen’s company provided a suite, and, man, was it fancy. The food was great, and the bartender was awesome. When I asked for “lemonade and beer,” she asked if we’d been to Europe, and we talked about radlers for a bit. It was so hot out, a shandy was the perfect drink.

  
The park was okay, but it’s no PNC. We yinzers are spoiled n’at.

We ended up losing the game, but the opposing pitcher, Max Scherzer, threw an almost-perfect game, which was cool to see. He was one hit-by-pitch away from a perfect game and had to settle for a no-hitter. I guess he’ll be okay.

  
We took up a whole row, and not even all of the immediate family came.

After the game was over, a storm descended on the DC metro area.

  
Sure hope this isn’t about that Supreme Court thing…

Chris was a trouper and drove back in a torrential downpour. Other than that bit of rain, it was a really great weekend. Hopefully we’ll have some more shenanigans before we leave tomorrow.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was realizing who else was here. It turns out my friends Sarah and Jenny (and their families) were here for the weekend, too. Also, my friend Kristin (who made our awesome save-the-dates and is pretty much a design ninja) was supposed to come to the Pirate game. Sadly, strep throat kept her in Richmond, so she didn’t get to experience my “Ashley Judd in ‘A Time to Kill'” sweating firsthand. And I didn’t get to embarass her in front of her boyfriend!

I guess there’s always next time.

Happy Mother’s Day

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I write a lot on here about how I miss my dad sometimes, but let’s not forget about the force that is my mother.

She has always supported me, loved me, and been my number-one defender my entire life. I have heard enough horror stories from my friends to know how lucky I am.

  Chris is the filling in a Chronica’s moms sandwich.

These past 12 years, she has had to act as both mother and father, talking to me every day, listening to me drone on and on (and on and on) about my feelings, and acting as my personal advisor to all questions lawn/garden and handyman-related. She’s one of those rare people that could help you put a dresser together and then tell you what clothes from it would look the best.

  She’s basically Martha Stewart when it comes to azaeleas of the non-Iggy variety.

She may be a tough old bitch, but she’s my tough old bitch.

Chris and I took our moms to the Moundsville Country Club for the Mother’s Day Buffet. It was…a bit disappointing. The food there used to be really good, and the restaurant was nice. This does not appear to be the case anymore.

 The salad was good and the prime rib okay. But otherwise…

Still we had a nice time and took some fun pictures.

  
 And to my right, you’ll see a giant golf course. Nope, nothing else.

Hopefully everyone had a good time. And even if the food wasn’t great, at least we’re all super beautiful.

   Hey-ey!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I love you. If I can be half as amazing as you are, I’ll be pretty happy.

Puddles

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Tonight, Chris and I and our friend Erin went to see Puddles, a 6’8″ clown who sings. And it was amazing.

This guy has an amazing voice and sings super-fun (yet sad) covers of songs like “Royals,” “Dancin’ Queen,” and “Chandelier.” Also, he did an amazing version of “My Heart Will Go On” that included a picture montage that really has to be seen to be appreciated.

  Puddles meets world-famous blogger Oh Honestly Erin.
We knew beforehand that there would be audience participation, and while all three of us were terrified that we would get chosen for something, I was the only one who kind of still wanted to be chosen. Alas, I was not. 

  We did get some Puddles Cuddles afterwards, so it all worked out in the end.
It was a great show bookended by some delicious food — The Library for dinner and a surprise stop for a cookie at Le Petit Chocolat.

I feel like we hardly ever see Erin anymore — at least, not enough — and this makes twice in 8 days. Let’s try to keep this up!

Then Chris and I got home and had some internet time, and this happened.

  This is even more exciting than when Frank’s Red Hot followed me!

Great show, Puddles. Can’t wait till next time!

  

Lone Fitness

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That title really brings to mind a treadmill in the middle of the desert, a singular tumbleweed rolling across its path. Nothing so dramatic here.

So, I’m sometimes bad at doing stuff by myself, at least for the first time. Chris and I had been taking Zumba together for months, and this time, instead of skipping the two months I’m on afternoons, I opted to join the morning class and go by myself.

With strangers.

And dance to funky Latin beats.

Horror.

But…I went. It was awkward at first. Where do I stand? Am I in someone’s place? Will they cut a bitch if I am? But it all ended just fine. I even made my way towards the front of the class, since the back of it was so heavily populated. I guess I hate being crowded and being in someone’s way more than I hate the thought of someone watching my sweet, sweet dance moves and being jealous. Or laughing at me because girthy.

Another first for me today — I went on a solo bike ride. I just did about 90 minutes total with a couple quick water breaks (and one longer snack break) and went 11.6 miles. I passed last year’s “I can’t believe we made it this far” landmark and kept going. I was going to stop at the first bench after that, but then the cyclist in front of me pulled over and stopped there. And I’m all about the lone fitness, remember?

I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

  No one around for miles yards.
I also rode my bike practically naked.

Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration.

It’s unseasonably warm today in Pittsburgh, and when I was getting ready, I threw on my cycling shorts and then debated about a shirt. I finally ended up with a tank top with my cycling jersey over it. I love the pockets in the jersey and am not particularly attractive in a tank (thanks for the bingo arms, Grandma), but it was really, really warm. I unloaded my bike at the trail and made a brave (for me) decision. Everything fit in my shorts pockets and bike bag (including the jersey, because safety net!), so I set out in my tank top. It wasn’t pretty, but it was comfortable.

Two seemingly insignificant milestones this week, and I’m ridiculously proud of myself. I hate people looking at me (unless I want to be the center of attention — I’m complex). I guess I don’t like it when I feel like they’re making fun of me. 

I’m positive this most definitely does not have its roots in high school.

Anyway, a good, active week. A fun, busy weekend ahead (Birthday! Mother’s Day! Sad Clown!), and one more day of work to get through before it starts.

Have a great weekend, everyone. And if you’re feeling nervous about trying something new, remember — this fat girl wore a tank top in public, and if that doesn’t deserve some type of legitimate award, I don’t know what does.

Wedding Musings

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I’m so excited to get married. I am. I think about random things — first dance, vows, fun touches that we’ll add to the reception because we’re giant nerds, how pretty Chris will look — and I tear up.

Heck, I did right then.  Please enjoy this picture of Graham while I compose myself.

One thing hit me today, though, as I was making breakfast.

 This is technically yesterday’s breakfast. I write a blog of lies.

We’ll be surrounded by all of our friends and family — our mothers, our aunts, our siblings, and the friends we have our ridiculous adventures with. (And a few other people that are invited out of obligation, but whatever. Not you, of course. We want you there. Probably.)

But my dad won’t be there.  Allow me to distract you with another photo. Makeup!

Listen, I don’t mean to give anyone the wrong idea. It’s not like my dad and I talked on the phone every day, discussing our thoughts and dreams and hopes for the future. The guy wasn’t a talker. And we were very different. He had a very scientific, analytical mind, and I…do not.   Also, he liked kids, and I feel more like this about them.

He was just always there, you know? Teaching me how to ride a bike, going to my basketball and volleyball games, teaching me how to drive, supporting me when I quit my job. Acting like I just told him I preferred a different kind of music instead of a different gender when I finally came out to him. “No, I didn’t know that, but okay.”

It will be 12 years this summer that he died, so part of me is frustrated with myself. Like, come on, Monica. You knew he wasn’t going to be around anymore. And most days it’s okay. But some days — like today — it hits me. So instead off doing grown-up stuff, I blog. And look for unrelated pictures to post.

 Oh, Graham.

Chris and I will be walking ourselves down the aisle, probably. Which we would have done regardless of who was available to do it. And I guess that’s pretty fitting. He and my mom raised me to be pretty independent, outspoken, and all that business. Besides, if they wanted to give me away, they probably would have done it when I was an awful, awful teenager.

No pictures. Those were in the middle of my awkward years. But I was a BITCH.

The day of his funeral, my aunt saw a lone mourning dove on her deck. It hooted a few times and flew away. It was unusual, she said, to see one by itself, so it must have been him. So now, every time I hear one, I think of him. They’ve been really loud lately, so I hear them whenever I’m outside or have the window open. Chris texted me this week to say that one flew to her windowsill at work, hopped over in front of her, hooted a few times, and flew away. I called my mom to tell her — our second phone call of the morning, reserved for important stuff — and she said, “Well, I guess he likes her.”

  Indeed.

21.54

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Chris and I have been trying to be more active. Physically, not just doing more stuff, since it seems like we are busy all of the time.

We have been taking Zumba twice a week, and today, I did my first solo morning class (since I recently switched back to afternoon shift). Our instructor was talking to me about biking and asked about the Pedal Pale Ale Keg Ride, and I told her about our ride this Sunday.

Which was 21.54 miles.

I realize to a lot of people, that doesn’t sound like much. When Chris was training for her 100-mile ride around Lake Tahoe, her first practice ride was 20 miles. But I’m still pretty proud of myself. I’m 38 and overweight (and rhyme like a…mate!) and haven’t had much practice on my bike. And I did it.

  
Champions!

I hate being the fat girl who blames her bike, but my bike is…not the best. It does fun things like not shift when i switch gears and then shifting without my doing anything. It made some of the hills difficult. 

We rode on the Montour Trail to Chris’ mom’s house and back, so we had a safety net, which was nice. But she didn’t have to rescue us. Plus, we had a nice lunch from Tandem at her house. 

  
Chris ahead of me, as usual.

Also, a fun surprise when part of the trail was closed, and we had to ride on Valley Brook Road. Also, there was a snake in the path. Surprise danger all around!

Hooray for biking!

Happy Birthday, Chris!

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This past weekend, my lovely fiancée, Chris, turned 35 years of age. Here are 35 random things that will probably involve her! 

  1. So, I love presents and birthdays, so I made her open a gift from me that I had been keeping a secret since February. It is a necklace with a cutout of the United States, and there are two hearts on it in LA & Pittsburgh. Since we were long distance for so long, I thought it was a pretty good gift.
  2. We started early on Wednesday with dinner with Heather and Ryan and their supercute kids. I love all of these guys. We had a delicious Italian dinner and followed it up with some frozen yogurt.  Yogurt is messy business, folks. 
  3. The official festivities started off at the Carnegie Science Center for an over-21 night. We were joined by my brother and sister-in-law, her aunt, and two of her cousins, and we ran into a couple other friends.
  4. It was a good time but a little scary.
  5. I realize they are not actual Stormtroopers, but I was still a little nervous. Which I know is ridiculous, because if they tried to shoot me, I would be just fine. Not known for their accuracy.
  6. And I used all of my restraint not to say, “You’re a little short for a Stormtrooper.” 
  7. We played in some water, making sure to use proper safety techniques.  
  8. We learned all about rivers and woodland creatures, which was fun. Then we got to pretend we lived in a log.
  9.   Hey!
  10. Everyone got in on it!  Might submit this one to Awkward Family Photos.
  11.   The one that started it all.
  12. We walked around some more, and I got so many steps on my Fitbit!
  13. Then this happened.   I got to hold his lightsaber. Not a euphemism.
  14. Then we played air hockey against a robot, and I was the only one of the four of us who won. No big deal.
  15. Except…   I broke it.
  16. Time to head home! It was a really fun night. It was an interesting crowd, with equal parts extreme geeks, hipsters, and lesbians. Unexpected but welcome.
  17. We snuck out a back entrance but were held up because someone didn’t know how to work the ticket gate. Like, really?
  18. I had intended on making a birthday cake from scratch when I got home, but it was really late, so we stopped at the store and got a box mix. Chris requested white cake with blueberries and a lemon buttercream icing.   I even bought this milk that seemed to have been created just for me.
  19. We baked the cake, and though it looked pretty good, it majorly stuck to the pan. I had a bit of a meltdown, I’m ashamed to say. I felt stupid that it didn’t work out. But we made do the next day, and it tasted pretty darn good, even if it wasn’t a beauty.
  20. What it lacked in looks, it made up for in substance.  The self-deprecating part of me wants to say “much like myself,” but that’s inaccurate. I’m a hot piece of ass.
  21. Bedtime was 2:00am for us, and then Chris saw a spider, which made her stay up even later. I wish she would have woken me up. One more present I could have provided!
  22. Early 8:00am wakeup because who wouldn’t want to do a 6-10 mile bike ride in the unseasonably cold morning air with some friends? Happy birthday!
  23. We took part in East End Brewing’s Pedal Pale Ale Keg Ride, which was super fun. They are a near zero-waste, environmentally sustainable brewery, and each year, they host an event that transports their Pedal Pale Ale by bicycle. It was their 11th year and our first (though Jake the Experienced Cyclist had done it before).
  24. The idea is that you show up at the brewery and then do a 6- to 10-mile bike ride to an undisclosed location, where they tap the new keg.  Why does my head look so freaking giant?
  25. Then you have to find your way back by bike, which I was really nervous about. 
  26. Oh, and did I mention we had to ride 6-10 miles first? 
  27. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. The ride was only 6 miles (Chris and I did a practice ride last weekend with her new bike and did 8), and…we ended up back at the brewery.   I may be making that face because my butt hurt. No one knows for sure.
  28. Also, there were 450-plus people, and most of them looked like hard-core cyclists. Very intimidating for this guy. But I kept up and didn’t embarrass myself. Yeah!  
  29. Most importantly, Chris had a great time.  It looks like a car is on fire in this picture, but I think it was delicious-smelling barbecue. I hope.
  30.    Bike madness.
  31. Then…our reward.  The birthday girl took the picture. Sorry, honey. Also, I apparently love shirts with zippers. Can’t wear too many at one time!
  32. We made our way home after that, and friends and some of Chris’ family came over for pizza and cake (which I quickly prepared and applied the icing). Lots of laughter, lots of stories, and lots of delicious food. For some reason, I took no pictures of this. Sorry, America.
  33. Sunday was a bit of lazing, a bit of yardwork, and a bit of cooking.
  34. It was a great weekend, and I think Chris had an even better birthday!
  35. Oh, one more random thing? How about some gushing. I love spending time with Chris, and this weekend was no different. We have so much fun together, whether it’s cycling, posing with Stormtroopers, or cutting down trees. She makes me so happy, and I hope that she felt even a fraction of the happiness she makes me feel every day.  I hope you enjoyed your last birthday as a non-married person, my dear. Because next year at this time, you’ll be married to this dork.

I CAN Quit You

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Eight years ago Monday, I quit smoking.

There are a couple of factions of people in my life who will have completely opposite reactions. There are the ones I went to high school with who can’t imagine their valedictorian doing anything “bad.”

I tried to find a picture of myself from high school and failed. I should have raided my mom’s photo albums today. The only one I had access to was one my friend Beth sent me. It contains about 7 other people, none of whom — save her and our friend Jenny — would be thrilled about appearing on some random lesbian’s blog. Oh, and Beth’s husband is there with another lady. So let’s just say I was a bit of a goody-two-shoes.

Then…there are my friends from college.
photo 3(1)

College BFF Sarah. And some awkward man in drag.

I smoked all. the. time. Back then, you could smoke in a lot more places, like in bars.

photo 1(2)

And daaaaaance!

One girl in my sorority called the “The Smoking Mon,” which was apparently an “X-Files” reference. And my favorite bar was nicknamed Smokin’ Mon’s in honor of my patronage (and pile of cigarettes I left in my wake).

I’m pretty sure my high-school peers pictured something different — a lot more books, a lot more flannel.

photo 4

Exactly.

Anyway, I left college with a degree and a pack-a-day habit. All things considered, it could have been worse.

I quit once about a month before my dad died, and, well, that didn’t last long.

But two days after my 30th birthday, I lit up for the last time. I wish I could say that I don’t miss it ever, that I don’t still crave them, that I don’t wish I could be one of those smokers who have one every now and then, but I can’t.

I can, say, though, that Chris would kill me if I ever started smoking again.

10959601_10203661653130145_978712936455795240_n

And how could I give this up?

Happy Quit Day, Monica. Way to not light things on fire and inhale them!

Yeah!

Thirty-eight

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I’ve been horrible at being a blogger. Chris and I have been busy with, well, life, I guess. 



Moment of downtime with that a-hole cat sticking his tail in my face.

In honor of my almost-38 years on this earth and another year closer to 40, here are 38 random statements.

  1. We have eleventy million shows we want to watch, and yet, all it seems like we watch are reruns of “Castle” and “Modern Family.” “Modern Family” is on right now. Three episodes and counting.
  2. The balloons Chris got me for Valentine’s Day are going strong.
  3. We live in a really old house, and the shower has been giving us problems. We had one estimate this week and another in a couple weeks. I know we need to take our time and make a responsible decision, but I wish it were being replaced tomorrow.
  4. We went to the home show, which is where we found the bathroom estimators. I love the home show. Love it. It’s always around my birthday, and I drag Chris there every year.
  5. Work has been crazy, which seems like the norm lately. But at least Chris and I get to drive to work together.
  6.  We went for a walk this weekend at the Montour Trail so we could take pictures of this ice craziness in the old tunnel.  
  7. I also took this picture. “Let’s go for a walk on the trail in the snow and do our scratch-offs!,” said at least one person.
  8. 38 didn’t seem like that many when I started.
  9. We have narrowed down our photographer search to a handful of possibilities. We need to set up appointments with them to see which is the best fit, and then it’s another box checked!
  10. Doing that stuff is so awkward. It’s always weird meeting new people, and then there’s the added issue of them trying to sell themselves. Plus…gay couple, which everyone is not always okay with. So that will be fun.
  11. We have pretty much solidified the cookie table, so at least the most important wedding planning is done.
  12. Chris is doing dishes while I’m blogging on the couch. I like that she isn’t upset with me for being lazy. I’m a lucky gal.
  13. Sometimes I get sad that we knew each other for so long (10 years!) before we started dating. But, really, neither of us was ready back then. Life leads you in interesting places.
  14. For instance…I used to blog for a gay-wedding website. You know, that other time I was getting married. Through the years, I have kept in touch with some of my fellow bloggers on the Facebook and seen them get married and have kids. I had a bet with one of them last year, a bet that ended up with me sending homemade pumpkin-spice blondies to her. Well, said friend lives in the San Francisco Bay area, and when I asked her for suggestions on areas to stay for our honeymoon, she offered up a free place to stay, all out of the kindness of her (and her family’s) heart. 
  15. So all of those problems and years of difficulty led to a house! On our honeymoon!
  16. That makes total sense, right?
  17. A new brewery opened up near our house, Spoonwood. These pretzels and beer cheese were freaking amazing.
  18. And this beer. I don’t know which one this was, but the coffee-drip ale was amazing. It will change your life. 
  19. Also, adorable beer samples for $2.00.
  20. This guy is trying to help me blog.
  21. I kept whining to Chris that I didn’t have any presents, so she gave me an early one. A Millennium Falcon keychain!
  22. Thanks, Buzzfeed, for all of your “Top This Many Restaurants to Try In This Place” or “With This Food.” Our honeymoon will have to be seven weeks to eat all of those doughnuts!
  23. I could probably eat all of the doughnuts in two days.
  24. We have also been incorporating more activity into our, well, activities. We are doing twice-a-week Zumba, walking on the trail, Piyo, and I got a Fitbit. And we wonder why we have no free time.
  25. Restaurants we have been to lately — Emporio at Sienna Mercato, Piper’s Pub, Ten Penny, Toscana Brick Oven. This weekend — Primanti’s, Gianna Via, and Piper’s Pub (again). 
  26. Pittsburgh is not always my favorite place, but they do know how to make good food!
  27. I’m headed to Mom’s Monday for more birthday celebrating, so I’m basically extending it an extra two days. That’s always a fun time.
  28. I’m not sure how I got to be 38. Better than the alternative, but still.
  29. That being said, 38 wil be awesome. So many things to look forward to.
  30. So, there’s that wedding of a lifetime, which will be great.
  31. And there’s marrying my favorite person. Also great.
  32. Hey, my favorite person and I get to go on an amazing vacation!
  33. Maybe something like this will happen! This is us watching the sunset at Matador Beach on our “second date.”
  34. The stage production of “Dirty Dancing” is next month, and we’re eating at Meat and Potatoes beforehand, who have the best burger in Pennsylvania, per some random list. They also have bone marrow, which I will not be eating.
  35. One of my favorite things about the upcoming year is that I don’t even know what all the year will bring. 
  36. It’s going to be amazing.
  37. I’m a lucky person.
  38. Thank you for reading all of my 38 points.

Happy birthday to me!

So. Much. Excitement.

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So, I’ve had a random couple of days on day shift, which has been wonderful because I get to spend time with this lady.

photo 1

Wedding planning! We’re so organized!

We are currently on day 14 of Whole30. It’s going pretty well, though my Instagram followers are probably tired of seeing pictures of breakfast foods, no matter how awesome they are. Breakfast is the only meal I make by myself regularly, since Chris is usually at work, so I feel the need to share my pride.

photo 2

Frank’s Red Hot is my breakfast friend. So is the Marauder’s Map. Also, you should probably follow me on Instragram.

I feel pretty good, and we’re eating some good recipes, both new favorites and old standards. And a lot of salad. Canned chicken has been my spirit animal of late.

This weekend, Winter Storm Linus was supposed to blanket us (get it?!) with snow, but instead we only got a little, almost like someone pulled the football away before we got the chance to kick it. “Yeah! Snow! Oh…” Good grief.

After some friend and baby time…

photo 3

“I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Want to see?”

…we had planned a cozy weekend in, and it hasn’t failed us. Movie and TV watching, cooking, and wedding planning have been our life, and it’s been pretty great.

And today…we booked our honeymoon.

Wait, that feels kind of tame.

Today, we booked our…

[ As Oprah Winfrey ] HONEYMOON!

Well, the flights, but still.

I’m super excited, and it’s the best thing to beat this winter chill. Twelve days in sunny California with this lady.

photo4

From our first California outing together, at sunset at Matador Beach.

All in all, a great weekend. A great week. I’m very happy, and life is good. You know, all that happy jazz.

Also, my aunt texted me this picture, because…I’m adorable.

photo 5

Happy February, friends.