Wynonna Earp 2×02, AKA The One Where Literally Everyone but Waverly Knows Not to Touch the Goo

Many thanks to those of you to gave me such positive feedback on last week’s installment. I almost scrapped it all because who would think this was entertaining but me? I’ve never been so happy to be wrong. This is a little later than last week because my wife was finally home after three long weeks away, and my life is way busier when she is in it.

Previously on Wynonna Earp, the Purgatory Scooby gang got themselves up a Black Badge creek with no paddle (via a blood oath) — all except for Nicole, who is back to feeling like she can’t sit with the cool kids at the lunch table; we were introduced (and then…extroduced) to Tamsin Eliza; we saw Dolls get saved and then run; Doc somehow managed to turn down Wynonna’s offer of a co-ed shower; and we (and Nicole) realized that sweet little Waverly is suffering some side effects from that mysterious goo she touched. This week, Evelyn Andrews and company knocked our socks off with a shit-kicking episode two. Let’s jump in!

We open on Wynonna and Doc in the shower (guess he couldn’t resist her forever), sexy music thumping in the background. Talk turns to turnips and Revenants because these two kids can’t believe how hard it is to find one in the Ghost River Triangle! Like finding a Pride flag at the White House these days. Lucado, who likes to watch hot people shower, I guess, reads excerpts from Wynonna’s report and blames her for letting all manner of supernatural beasties into purgatory.

lucadoshower

I…like your mustache quite a bit now, thank you. That is a top-shelf mustache.

Like any good sister, Wynonna blames Willa for letting them in. And rightly so, but not according to Lucado, who thinks Wynonna and Willa were in cahoots. Lady, Wynonna would never have cahooted with Willa on anything towards the end.

Like me Doc needs a cigarette after this opening. Unlike me, he indulges.

docshower

I know I say this a lot, but holy shit, Doc is a very confusing character for me, a queer lady. I identify pretty closely with “gold-star lesbian,” but, damn, if Doc doesn’t give me feelings. Also, it’s only fair that I objectify all of the extremely good-looking people on this show, regardless of gender.

Now we have a bro sitting in a porta-potty using a flip phone. I’m going to assume he’s playing Snake. He hears some random noise (that I, trained in the art of noise describing, would call “splattering”) that presumably isn’t coming out of him and dropping to the depths below. He blames Kowalski, like you do, and now random splattering has turned to some pretty loud thudding. Kowalski, presumably, opens the porta-potty door to see what’s up, and he’s met with some cobwebs and something we can’t see that is probably pretty scary, because he yells. Loudly. Kowalski, this seems dramatic.

Opening credits! I TOLD THAT DEVIL TO– Wait! OUR OPENING CREDITS JUST GOT MORE FEMALE! AND INEXPLICABLY CREEPIER!

ladies2open

Oh, hey. Wonder if these are sisters or maybe olden-timey gal pals. They look nice.OPENINGSCRATCH

Never mind. Lesbians, definitely, because these gays just got buried.LADIESOPEN

This looks like the victims of the single greatest witch hunt in American history about to fight back (with a small child, probably timeless Waverly Earp, looking on).

parksandrec

I know this one isn’t new, but it reminds me of the murals in Parks and Recreation, which makes me happy. Black Badge could benefit from the appearance of Ben Wyatt and some calzones.

Kowalski again, this time explaining to Officer Haught how his buddy disappeared, probably glossing over the fact that, if he hadn’t disappeared, he definitely barged in on him and his Snake. (The game. On his phone, remember? IT’S CAPITALIZED! Out of the gutter, people.) Nicole says she’ll file the report about Jesus and do what she can (because underneath it all, even if it’s a boring-ass job, she’s really fucking good at it…when she isn’t scarf-pulling her goo-friend).

Waverly waits for Kowalski to leave, then tries to do some flirting and melt the ice cap that is her gal pal…with mixed results. Pro tip, Waves — if you want to make her feel like she and her job are valid, don’t use that jokey tone of voice. “This is my job,” she says icily.

goo

DON’T BE MAD AT HER, NICOLE. SHE’S LIKE 23% GOO. IT’S THE GOO WHO DOESN’T REALIZE YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND YOU ARE VALID.

Nicole lists off all of the boring things about her boring job and Waverly tries to find out what’s wrong. Waves asks her not to shut her out, and Nicole responds by, you know, shutting her out. And giving her the Jesus case, proving that even though Nicole is salty with her girlfriend, the job is way more important. (I just rewrote that sentence four times because I refused to use the word “trumps.” No reason.)

sadnic

I do not like sad Nicole.

Waverly looks at the case file and then steals the silver bell at the desk, which is definitely not weird or unusual! *Googles “creatures that steal silver”*

bell-time.jpg

Pictured in the background, Nedley’s office, both the site of their first kiss AND a top-shelf Twitter account.

Onward to the new lab which has been set up in the Black Badge offices. Lucado is supervising, Jeremy is unpacking, Wynonna is being the goddamn Earp heir, and Doc is…taking selfies?

fingerguns

I predict this will be my second-favorite use of finger guns this season in Wynonna Earp and third overall in my life.

Lucado is jumping into her new role of yelling at people with relish, enjoying giving Doc the business. (Not that business. That’s later.) Doc takes her with a grain of salt, like he does most people, and she takes the opportunity to remind everyone that Dolls is gone. While she and Wynonna share some words, Doc shifts around on a floorboard, realizing that there’s something hidden underneath.

Jeremy has developed an algorithm to track the beasties that have entered the Ghost River Triangle, and then admits that it doesn’t actually work.

jeremyspoken

Aw, Jeremy. At least you tried.

Wynonna tells everyone that “we’re gonna track them the old-fashioned way, emphasis on ‘we’.” Shit, I hope she doesn’t mean me. My best skills are typing and snark, and I don’t see how this fits into the plan. Oh. I guess she meant Doc, who’s been distant, and not just in the shower. He has to take a rain check because of a “prior commitment.”

wut

You were in a well for 120 years, and the only people you know are in this room, just outside of this room, or on the run, whereabouts unknown. Or Revenants. Or Gus. Prior commitment, my ass.

Waverly suggests the case that Nicole passed off to her as a possible lead because of the random disappearances, and Lucado tries to shut her down because “we don’t do random.” She insults both of the Earp sisters, telling Wynonna to keep her mouth shut and shoot, Waverly to get coffee, and then asks Doc what the hell it is he does around there.

heyhey

Waverly: Hey. Wynonna: Hey. Doc: Pew! Pew! Finger guns!

Lucado corners Wynonna, asking if she’s ever heard of “tough love,” and Wynonna insults her right back. God, I love these two onscreen together. Lucado tells her that they need to start getting results, or has Wynonna forgotten Eliza? Uh, pretty sure neither she nor we will forget her anytime soon, L.

Wynonna looks at Nicole’s file and realizes she knows the owner of the building, Mercedes Gardner.

mercedes.jpg

Obviously, her parents were big fans of the Corys, and she was conceived during a showing of License to Drive. Um…is anyone reading this old enough to get that reference? Hello?

Apparently, Mercedes is the second-most-hated chick in Purgatory and is back in town after a long absence. In four sentences, we realize that they both think each other looks amazing, they both shagged a bunch of people in high school, and Mercedes grew up wealthier than Wynonna.  Obviously, she’s here to gentrify it and turn all those abandoned buildings into condos, craft breweries, and bistros that smoke their own meat and serve it in galvanized steel buckets. We also learn that she was friends with Willa, too, cluing us in to the fact that no one outside of the Purgatory Scoobies knew Eve was Willa. Wynonna subtly tries to question her about the disappearances and gets permission to go poke around. You know, discreetly.

wynwalk

Wynonna following a mysterious construction figure into an abandoned building? THERE’S NO WAY THIS WILL END BADLY.

She chases Random Construction Dude down the hallway, then realizes it’s good, old Earl. You know Earl. Also, Earl’s a Revenant.

earl

The Dixie Chicks have filled me with a sense of foreboding about his future. Stay away from the black-eyed peas, Earl.

Earl and Wynonna trade barbs, then they both smell something. No, it’s not the porta-potty. It’s Shaladelle, which Willa used to wear years ago. We see a mysterious figure in black, and Wynonna flashes back to killing her sister, because she definitely doesn’t have enough sadness in her life. Shaking herself out of her flashback, nothing is there…including Earl. Wynonna chases him up the stairs, then finds Jesus, who has gotten himself wrapped in some sort of a spider web/cocoon/praying mantis pod?

jesusspiderPerhaps he’ll rise again in three days.

Now we’re in the lab, where Wynonna’s trying to convince the only one of them with any medical experience, Doc, to come help. She’s wearing an official Black Badge lab coat, but the only thing she’s used medical instruments for recently was picking a lock. Unable to find him, she grabs a scalpel and just…jumps right in. Metaphorically.

docwyn

It’s just like shaving your legs, except the complete opposite.

Then because things weren’t creepy enough with just a spider casing, the air grows cold, and Wynonna smells Shaladelle again. This time, though, it’s Waverly who’s snuck up on her — with coffee, no less — and almost gets a scalpel to the leopard print for her trouble.

coffeewave

Hey, sis. Just some coffee. Yours has two creams and three sugars, and mine is black like my soul.

Doc is poking around Bubba’s old stomping grounds, talking to himself, like you do when you spent 120 years at the bottom of a well. Everything looks good, except for this part that Bubba left behind.

docbubba

But if I put the beer in the funnel, the hose goes into this Polar water jug, not my mouth. That doesn’t seem right.

He says all he needs is a cook, then goes upstairs (because apparently we were in Shorty’s basement — seriously, am I the only one who didn’t realize Doc was locked up in the basement of Shorty’s? I was? Great.) and joins Nedley, who’s trying to sell the place to Doc. Doc questions Nedley’s motivation, then helps himself to a drink.

docbar

No snark. This is just an amazing shot (and not just because of Tom Raisin’s beautiful face). I spend so much time talking about the writing and the acting that sometimes I forgot how absolutely visually stunning the show is, and not just in the outdoor scenes.

Nedley insults Doc and says that since he’s a bottom feeder, he can keep an eye on the other ones. Point, Nedley.

In the lab, Waverly is happily dissecting the spider egg, asking Wynonna why Lucado stuck her in the lab. Great question, Wave.

wynonnagiles

Obviously, it’s because her drawing skills rival that of an older Rupert Giles.

Waverly is ready to accept Jeremy into the Scooby fold, but Wynonna isn’t so sure, calling him “Lucado’s lap dog.” Talk moves to Doc and his absence, even when he’s actually there, then to Dolls, and his literal absence. Waverly misses him, too, reminding me of the time Doc called her “Earp” last season. (BRB. Grabbing a tissue for no reason.) Wynonna thinks he’s a dead demon lizard, but Waverly has hope that he’s alive.

Annoyed by her positivity, Wynonna asks if it’s just “a by-product of banging a hot redhead.” The look on her face tells her that…isn’t the case.

glasseswave

Going on a year now I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries.

Keeping Nicole in the dark is “for her own protection,” Waverly insists. Then, a GIANT FUCKING SPIDER interrupts the heart-to-heart sister talk. They really should be used to this shit by now. Waverly climbs on a desk, Wynonna traps it under a garbage can, and then Waverly hops on the can, keeping it safe.

WHOA

The proper look to give your sister when you’ve trapped a giant spider creature under a trash can.

Unable to get neither Doc nor Jeremy, Wynonna decides to shoot the spider. Waverly is understandably nervous, what with her…poor track record of late in the aim department. But Peacemaker glows once again for Wynonna, helping her dispatch the spider. Then they realized they both have goo-covered hands, but Wynonna’s not stepping foot into that decontamination shower again. Wynonna decides it’s time for the band to get back together! She tells Waverly to leave the spider on Lucado’s desk with a note that says…

finger

Succinct, yet accurate.

Now we’re outside of a bar, presumably, with the techno music pounding in the background. A young woman in some sequins is taking out the trash and finds Doc watching her. We find out they have some type of history and she hasn’t called him back. Too many selfies, maybe? Apparently, Doc has propositioned her, and she tells him no. No, not that sort of proposition — no one could say no to that. Some business thing, I guess. Whatever. I’m watching the pretty people talk.

docros

He really is everybody’s type.

Whatever dealings they’re talking about, it’s illegal, which Doc thought would be a selling point. Rosita asks if it’s for Wynonna, and Doc says it isn’t.

rosie

Suddenly, I’m more intrigued. Tell me more, tell me more!

She still tells him no, saying she doesn’t need his money, and then Doc offers her what every person who is obviously in danger and taking out the trash at a dance club wants — protection.

taxi

Honestly, I just included this screen shot because of the Purgatory Taxi sign in the back.

Back at the homestead, we find out that, like me, Wynonna also loves coconut body wash. Skipping the contamination shower for the one at her home, she comes downstairs and finds Jeremy in her kitchen. She threatens him, Penguin-like, with an umbrella.

umbrella

I love the continuity of the Cowgirl key holder from Waverly’s apartment in Purgatory. Also, Jeremy looks like he’s about to pass out. Or maybe pee himself.

Wynonna threatens to wait for Jeremy the next time he showers, and he fires back by saying…he has an inverted nipple. Good one. Wynonna asks what the fuck he’s doing there, then freaks out because the spider is near her snacks! Apparently, Waverly’s trying to get him to go along with their plan, and she said he could examine the spider if he came over. I am just happy someone put the lid on the jar.

Wynonna mentions Doc is coming over, and Jeremy LOSES HIS SHIT. He abandons the spider and runs outside to wait for Doc, spider abandoned…next to the snacks.

spidersnack

I sure hope no one mixes those two things up. [ Foreshadowing music plays ]

Waverly and Nicole are in Willa’s bedroom, looking through her old diary, and find a photo that Willa tore Waverly out of. Willa says some pretty mean things in her diary about Waverly — that their mother said they had to “do the right thing” by bringing her home, calling her an “it,” and that Waverly isn’t an Earp. Waves FINALLY tells someone that Bobo said the same thing. Nicole insists that “gas-lighting sociopath” would say anything to freak her out, but Waverly insists that there was a side of him that would tell her the truth.

wayhaughtbed

I love Nicole’s hella-queer outfit in this scene. Also, how nice and supportive and good-girlfriend material she is. But mostly the outfit.

Nicole explains to her how she’s basically the epitome of an Earp. Waverly leans in for a kiss, and…once again, clam-jammed by an Earp sister. Nicole pulls back, but not because she’s mad — it’s because she hears the thunder of Wynonna’s boots up the stairs.

hiwyn

Nicole saying “Hi, Wynonna” is one of my top-5 moments of this episode.

Nicole leaves the Earp sisters alone, and Waverly tells her sister that Nicole wanted to leave anyway. Wynonna grabs the Shaladelle (their mother’s perfume, apparently) off of Willa’s dresser and tells Waverly that Willa is haunting her. Wynonna keeps seeing a figure that smells like Shaladelle, and she wonders why Willa won’t leave her alone. Waverly theorizes that Willa can’t leave because they never let her go and says they should exorcise her by basically burning everything she left behind. Thankfully, that doesn’t mean Peacemaker, right, because Wynonna is the heir. Right? Right?!

Jeremy is dissecting the spider and having some bro time with Doc. Jeremy awkwardly…does something with Doc. Honestly, I can’t tell if he’s flirting or if he’s just socially awkward.

docjer

It’s okay, buddy. I’m everybody’s type.

He asks Jeremy to help him use voicemail, and they’re interrupted by the Earp sisters taking all of Willa’s stuff outside to burn it all with fire. Like you do. Jeremy asks if they should stop the sisters, but Doc clues him in that you can’t stop an Earp.

Mercedes is walking around late at night, talking on the phone to her sister, in her soon-to-be-condo building, and we see the mysterious Woman in Black behind her. We hear some [ Mysterious crackling ], the temperatures grow cold, and Mercedes starts to freak out and runs.

Wynonna and Waverly are slowly getting drunk, and Wynonna decides to engage Doc. We enter the barn and we see that bell that Kleptoverly stole, along with some other shiny things.

metal

What’s this all about? Do not fear! I talk about my definitely not true, ridiculous theory later!

Wynonna tells Doc about burning all of Willa’s stuff, and Doc says sometimes it’s good to say goodbye. Sigh.

Wynonna tells Doc she can’t be a leader, and Doc tells her it’s okay that she misses Dolls. They sort of talk about Wynonna kissing Dolls, and we can see how much it hurt Doc and how much he cares about her, even though he realizes she really is nobody’s but her own and is free to kiss who she wants…as long as it’s welcome. She freaks out that he can turn his feelings on and off and that he hasn’t been around. She says they need to get their shit together or Black Badge will destroy them, and Waverly, too. Doc’s had enough. They exchange insults, he accuses her of being soft and taking Lucado’s bullshit, and he storms out.

Jeremy rushes to the fireside Earps and tells them that the big honking spider they shot was actually a tiny honking spider, and it’s probably one of many. Wynonna answers her cell and it’s Mercedes, who’s surrounded by spiders.

spiders

This is my wife’s biggest fear. For the first time ever, I’m happy she doesn’t watch, because she probably would still not have slept since Friday night.

Wynonna and Waverly rescue Mercedes, and Mercedes tells Wynonna she always believed her about the demons. Waverly ushers Mercedes to safety, peach-schnapps-and-travel-checkers-stuffed go-bag in hand.

wavmercI can only assume Waverly told Mercedes to get out of her dreams and into her car.

Wynonna goes to find Earl. Earl is running, but not from Wynonna.

earlruns

Maybe Mary Ann and Wanda are in the other room.

Wynonna chases him, and this is where she’s in her element — being the goddamn Earp heir.

wynsmile

Earl’s gotta die.

Earl is terrified of both Wynonna and the spiders, and Earl is asking Wynonna what his future could possibly hold. He’s been in Purgatory for 95 years, working for Bobo, and now that he’s gone, what’s left? She tells him to make his own path, be his own woman, and, hey, maybe she’s not talking about him anymore? Earl wants to stop running, and Wynonna wants to stop chasing him. Earl says they’re both cursed, and Wynonna agrees. She tells him how she made a deal with Black Badge so she maybe doesn’t have to kill all of the Revenants, and Earl’s excited that they both could be free. He could stay there and “protect it.”

protectwhat.jpg

Protect what? The spider? The Shaladelle-smelling woman in black? BOBO’S FUR COAT?!

Earl tells Wynonna “this place is old, almost as old as [him],” his Revenant brand showing. She asks him about the condo site, built on an old school, and he tells her that there are a few things leftover from the original structure.

Lucado tries to access the floor safe at Black Badge and finds it empty, save for a scoundrel’s cigarillo.

cig

Agent Lucado — the opposite of a scruffy-looking nerf-herder.

Wynonna and Earl travel into the depths of the old school, and something tells me the spider may be nearby. I’m pretty intuitive.

wynspi.jpg

You’re feelin’ weak? Why don’t you lay down and sleep, Earl?

Apparently, the abandoned school is a Catholic school, and there’s a chapel in the basement, which is calling to Earl. I imagine it’s saying, “Sit up straighter! Cleanliness is next to Godliness! Leave room for the Holy Spirit! Your skirt needs to be longer!” Well, maybe not that last one, as I can tell you from my Catholic school experience that young women were responsible for how they dressed and its effect on the opposite sex. Ahem.

Earl attacks — well, tries to attack — Wynonna with a sledgehammer, Wynonna quickly dispatches him, and Waverly shows up with a wrench.

tarp

Ain’t it dark wrapped up in that tarp, Earl?

Wynonna tells Waves to stand back, because they have no idea what’s waiting for them behind the Door to the Catholic Chapel. Probably lots of plaid. Maybe Nicole should be there.

Lucado shows up at Shorty’s, verbally sparring with Doc and (of course) threatening him with treason. Doc says he’ll go to NotArt Moody with information proving that Lucado ordered a hit on Dolls, and Lucado wants to know what he wants. A silent investor in Shorty’s, or just plain cash, if she prefers. Doc is nothing if not…flexible.

I think I need a cigarette after this scene, too.

She propositions him with something more…physical, and Doc, with the practiced ease of of a man used to doing it, shuts her down. She promises him cash by morning, turns to leave, and Doc calls after “Jeannie,” telling him that this is what he brings to the team. He is Doc freaking Holliday, after all. She leaves, defeated, for now. I’m guessing this isn’t the last we see of these two together.

Wynonna and Waverly find a room full of spider eggs in the abandoned chapel — you know, like you do. “Baby girl, we is the team,” Wynonna says, and they move forward to attack the eggs. Too bad there’s no flamethrower. That would have helped. I bet that goo is flammable.

Cut to a slow-mo walk of goo-covered Earp sisters walking triumphantly down a hallway.

swag

HOW DO YOU LIKE MY GOO NOW?!

Mercedes sees the goo-covered Earps and says, “Oh, my God,” leading me (and her) to wonder if she’s terrified, impressed, disgusted, jealous or aroused.

OMG

Probably all of those things.

Mercedes is grateful and surprised to be saved by the Earp girls. I mean…didn’t you see season 1, Merc?

Apparently, the Earp girls are stuck with Mercedes, as she sold her place back East and is moving to Purgatory. Nothing has changed, except if they get drunk and steal a squad car, Wynonna can get them off.

wav.jpg

Um, that particular skill set would be mine, thank you very much.

Waverly needs to go because the goo is sticking in crevasses she wants to be wet by other means. The decontamination shower, obviously — Heads out of the gutter. The mysterious figure in black — shit! FigureS! There are two! Anyway, one shows their face, and then we see what nightmares are made of.

notgent

This is like the female version of The Gentlemen. I shall dub the The Gentlewomen.

Wynonna fills Lucado in on their successful mission, but Lucado is too busy playing Pokemon Go to pay attention. She tells Wynonna to bag the spider and give it to Jeremy, then scampers off. Oh, Jeannie. Demon PTA meeting at the old school?

Jeremy has a question, though — did smashing all those demon eggs make them wet?

The Earp sisters’ reaction here is another top-five moment for me.

Jeremy doesn’t get her “I like my job, but” reply at first, but eventually explains what he means. Usually, the spider guy (the Krakinos) is surrounded by water, and the sisters talk through the fact that there’s something else going on in the chapel, what with mysterious figures in black, Earl, and all the other weirdness.

Rosita shows up at Shorty’s, giving Doc shit about the state of the bar. But apparently it’s good enough for her to work with him. She’s tired of running, and Doc tells her she can stop running if they work together. Then she gives him shit about the bourbon he sells and asks to see his “real setup.”

The Earp sisters are back at the chapel, realizing there’s something else supernatural going on that they inadvertently just cleared a path for. They find Earl in the middle of some sort of Hellmouth-worthy witch circle, where clearly bad things are happening.

goodbyeear

Earl had to die. Goodbye, Earl.

Wynonna feels like she let the boss down, and she’s not talking about Jeannie. Waverly tries to tell her that Dolls was/is/would be proud of her, but Wynonna says she needs to let him go. Wynonna is ready to unleash hell on whoever is fucking with her town.

scary

“I like when you’re scary,” says the scariest thing this season.

And then nothing else of importance happens. The end!

nic

Whoa! Hey, you sure about that, Monica?

Oh, right. That other thing. Nicole walks in on Waverly sexy redecorating Willa’s room and brings her some sexy documents to help her find out her heritage. Nic is worried Waves will be sexy mad at her, but she’s grateful for the help. Waverly, though, was worried things were irreparably damaged, and Nicole tells her it was just a sexy fight, and they both agree it’s totally the worst. Waverly really had been dating too many assholes, I guess, and isn’t used to an adult relationship with sexy adult solutions to adult problems.

Wait. I guess that last sexy didn’t need the strikethrough.

Yes, that’s right. Nicole and Waverly finally have sex, but not before everyone’s fucking hero Nicole Haught STOPS and asks her if Waverly is okay with this. Consent is sexy. WayHaught is sexy. I…have conflicting emotions about this scene, but this is not the section for those thoughts. Please see below.

Kudos to Emily Andras and the rest of the writers for giving us a queer lady sex scene that was sexy without it being gratuitous. Also, that lift. This scene is hot, powerful, meaningful, and hints at both problems and happiness yet to come. And they both look so goddamn happy. For now.

Wynonna shows up at Shorty’s and demands some whiskey from Doc. They agree that Shorty’s is perfect the way it is, even if it is a little rough around the edges, which is definitely not a metaphor. Wynonna is happy that Lucado seems to have lightened up on them, but Doc insists she’s an enemy, no matter what. Wynonna tells Doc she has a gut feeling something bad is coming, but they’re interrupted by a phone call from Rosita, because apparently Doc and phones are the new OTP. He kicks Wynonna out (lets her keep the bottle, though) and goes downstairs to his partner in…whatever.

roschem

My theory? She’s making a strain of whiskey that can actually make an Earp drunk.

She needs some supplies for her reverse-engineering, but Doc tells her that whatever she’s doing needs to happen fast.

Wynonna comes up to Waverly going through Willa’s diary, saying she burned every last thing of hers, save Mr. Plumpkins.

nope.jpg

Well…there may be one other thing left.

Wynonna admits that maybe she just wanted the ghost to be Willa, and Waverly says she will be happy if she never sees her oldest sister again. Wynonna breaks down and asks Waverly to join her on the porch for some sister time. But Waverly has another woman upstairs, causing Wynonna to make some…gesture with Mr. Plumpkins that was both hilarious frightening and left me wondering about Wynonna’s knowledge of basic anatomy and the art of pleasuring a woman. I’m not even gonna screenshot it because it won’t do it justice. Just go watch the video or the gif. I’ll wait.

Then Waverly, spent from a night of hot lady-lovin’ with her girlfriend, decides to grab a snack. Goo eyes blazing, she passes up the trail mix and goes straight for the spider.

mmmspider

I prefer chocolate, but I guess that’s higher in protein.

And thus ends episode 2×02! Reading this probably took the same amount of time as watching the episode!

Monica’s Random Bullet Points of Randomness:

  • When Nicole lists off all of the boring things about her boring job, poor Waverly doesn’t hear what she’s saying. Yes, Nicole loves her job and she’s good at it, but she just wants to feel important and special, like she belongs. Like she’s worthy of being with Waverly. She spent all of season 1 in the dark and now finally knows, but she can’t let anyone know she knows! Waverly is just excited because she’s in a new relationship and is being playful and fun and awesome, but because of her insecurities, Nicole sees it as her not taking her job (or her) seriously.
  • Who is flying a drone over the girls’ dance studio? Knowing these writers, this is a giant clue to the season’s big mystery. So let’s put a pin in that.
  • Pro tip, from one queer to another — when your girlfriend says, “Nothing. Forget about it,” A, it isn’t, and, B, you shouldn’t.
  • I love Doc’s progress in the mastery of electronic devices. Also, I wonder who he was sending that finger-gun selfie to. Dolls, probably, to answer “How does Wynonna look when she holds her gun?”
  • I am LOVING Lucado this season.
  • I also love how offended both of the Earp sisters get when Lucado tells Waverly to get coffee.
  • The subtext answer to “Holliday, what do you do around here?” is Wynonna with “uh…me, but not lately.”
  • I guess NotArt has an actual name, and it’s Moody. IS THIS A CLUE? CONSTANT VIGILANCE! IS HE DRINKING POLYJUICE POTION?
  • Lucado seems like she just wants to succeed in Purgatory, but is it to save everyone, (probably not), get promoted (probably), because she’s all about the job (maybe), or because nowhere in Purgatory sells off-white pantsuits (definitely).
  • I hope Gus is okay, because we haven’t seen her at all, but Wynonna is driving her truck everywhere.
  • I like how Mercedes and Wynonna have that instant connection of suffering through the awful experience of high school together. I have that same feeling when I see a handful of my former classmates, especially the gay ones. High school is hell, guys.
  • After Mercedes says “bitch, bring it in,” the captions say that Wynonna says “hi,” but it sounds to me like she’s saying “why?” Did anyone else think that? I mean, really, it works both ways.
  • The Earp sisters are horrible at answering positively to stupid questions. “Now you’re a cop?” “Kind of.” “Girlfriend?” “Kind of.” Self-realization, Earps!
  • Mysterious “woman in black,” eh? Obviously it’s Dom’s character from the Carmilla movie.
  • I LOVE Wynonna’s freak-out when she touches the spider goo for the first time. Melanie Scrofano had so many cheer-worthy moments in this episode, and this is one of them. How can one actress so perfectly portray all of these emotions. She’s so good. Give her the Emmy already!
  • Wynonna smelling Willa’s perfume, then turning around to see Waverly gives credence to my ridiculous theory that Waverly is possessed by Willa. Yeah, me!
  • Doc and Nedley sharing a scene is a thing that I didn’t know I needed.
  • I don’t think calling Jeremy “Lucado’s lap dog” is fair. He got tricked into signing the blood oath, same as you guys did, and he only did it because he wanted to help Waverly. I’m not saying he’s proven himself; just that he maybe deserves a chance.
  • Wynonna and Waverly’s relationship seems so believable. I never had a sister, but I imagine talking to one about your love life and sex life is pretty normal.
  • Let’s talk for a moment about the physical comedy in that spider/garbage can scene. It’s fucking amazing. That’s it. It’s just perfect. Such good acting.
  • I’m excited to find out where Doc knows Rosita from, because let’s not forget he spent 120 YEARS IN A WELL.
  • I love that Rosita keeps a pen in her boot. You should get a holster for that, like Peacemaker.
  • What does Rosita need protection from?!
  • Wynonna calling Jeremy “itty-bitty titty” feels right — it’s a bit silly, a bit mean, and just dripping with annoyance. Very on brand.
  • Jeremy’s crush/hero worship/fascination with Doc is awesome. Just one of those tiny little storylines that we all love so much.
  • I like how you can tell how much Wynonna misses Dolls just by all of the random throwaway lines about how she’s afraid he’s dead.
  • Even more name drops of Mama Earp. I hope that means we get more story on her this season!
  • Wynonna seems to think that just because she’s ready for something with Doc that he should be ready, too. She hurt him by kissing Dolls — without realizing it, yes, but she still hurt him. And he has the right to say no, just as she does. I’d say Doc is wise beyond his years, but it’s actually probably the right amount of wisdom for his age.
  • I love that someone finally tells Wynonna that they believed her about the demons.
  • I also love that Waverly has peach schnapps in her go-bag.
  • The heart-to-heart between Wynonna and Earl was so well-done. He’s a sympathetic Revenant in that he’s not actively trying to kill anyone, and they talk about what they want out of life. This show is all about shades of grey, not black and white, and this scene was a great example of that.
  • Wynonna spluttering when she walks into that spider web that Earl easily dodges reminds us that Melanie can make us laugh as instantly as she makes us cry. (This also applies to the entire rest of the cast.)
  • Good God, Doc Holliday has sexual tension with EVERYBODY. His scene with Lucado was lit.
  • I love that Agent Lucado’s name is Jeannie, like she’s some kind of Girl Scout troop leader. A noble profession, sure, but fewer shoulder pads and power suits.
  • Sometimes I hear these lines and I think, “I wonder if they knew what they were saying?” And then I realize that’s ridiculous because of course they did. The writers on this show are whip-smart and definitely talked about local police and “getting off” on purpose.
  • Waverly sliding out of the shower room when Jeremy asks about the demon eggs making them wet made me wish I knew how to make gifs or at least save the ones I find. Technology is hard, guys. I’m writing this on a mechanical typewriter, basically.
  • When Nicole telling Waverly that girlfriends fight and it’s normal, it definitely seems like she’s trying to convince herself. She knows deep down that something is up, but she just doesn’t want to admit it. I mean, how relatable is that?

THAT SCENE:

I have a lot of thoughts about the WayHaught sex scene, and it felt right to break them apart from everything else.

Nicole and Waverly sleeping together almost seems like it’s too soon, but I think it fits with the storyline and who they are as characters. They’re both rushing into something, but they’ve both experienced such loss lately and they’re just ready to take that next step; to feel that level of intimacy with someone they care about. So, yes, in terms of looking at it objectively as a human, it is soon, but, really, when isn’t it? Why not take the comfort you can find? So it feels very, very right that they sleep together at this point in the storyline. Too soon? Maybe. But that doesn’t make it not right.

And you can tell Nicole is ignoring some obvious red flags here — especially the one where Waverly says “the best sex is makeup sex.” Ideally, our hero Nicole wouldn’t want there to be any negativity associated with their first time, but in reality, who could resist Waverly Earp for too long?

I’m excited to see what ramifications this will have for the rest of the season, because obviously there will be a ton.

Favorite lines:

  • Wynonna: This water smells like turnips. (This line is a favorite because it’s uttered with aforementioned sexy music thumping in the background while she’s mostly naked in a shower with Doc.)
  • Lucado: I don’t know how things were run before, but — Wynonna: There were a lot less thumbs up asses.
  • Lucado: Wynonna, you try to keep your sass mouth in check and shoot that cursed gun of yours.
  • Wynonna: Hey, Lucado. Hey, how’s the demotion going?
  • Mercedes: I don’t know why I brought that up. It’s ancient history. Wynonna: Ugh, feels like yesterday to me.
  • Wynonna: In other news, I found Jesus.
  • Doc: I am a man of means. I will find a way.
  • Wynonna: What is he doing that’s so important? Mourning his stupid hat? Waverly: I mean, it was a good hat. (Want to read more about Doc’s hat from my friend @micnic1291? Go here.)
  • Waverly: Shoot it! Wynonna: Lucado would want it alive! Waverly What?! Oh, my God! Wynonna I hate myself for saying that.
  • Waverly Sucked its last dude dry. Wynonna: So many jokes, can’t even choose.
  • Wynonna: This may be a shit show, but it’s our shit show. (Also the refrain of the Earper fandom.)
  • Nicole: Look, you are the Earpiest Earp of them all.
  • Wynonna: Sorry. Nicole …Okay.
  • Wynonna: Why is she haunting me? I mean, besides the fact that I killed her.
  • Wynonna: You brought the booze, right? Waverly: Yes. Wynonna: Don’t use all the whiskey to start the fire!
  • Wynonna: I am woman. I made fire.
  • Earl: You’re not worthy of its glory. Wynonna: If I had a nickel for every guy who said that before we danced.
  • Wynonna: Stupid Earl.
  • Waverly: Earl? They look so peaceful when they sleep.
  • Wynonna: Three beasties in one place, I never even noticed. Really let the boss down. Waverly: Yeah, who cares about Lucado. Wynonna: I’m not talking about her.
  • Wynonna: Once an Earp, always an Earp. Waverly: So they say.
  • Wynonna: Cold shoulder to warm bed, huh?

Least-favorite line:

  • Waverly: And I…I…I like you. Sigh. What happened to “love”? Is this the goo? Cold feet? Backtracking because she’s worried it’s too soon? It seems like from Nicole’s reaction that she didn’t hear Waves profess her love, but who knows, really? Probably Evelyn Andrews.

Monica’s Insane Theory:

Whatever is possessing Waverly is somehow related to the dynamite-blowing box monster from 2×01. Gooverly seems to be stealing silver things, and that creature had silver finger armor. So maybe the goo creature is gaining her strength while she’s possessing Baby Earp and is stockpiling materials to make armor.

Monica’s final thought:

One of my favorite things about Wynonna Earp is the people it brought into my life. I’d like to wish a very happy birthday to my friend Heidi (@HiDizzle20)! Like me, she turns 21 this year. Here is a picture from when she helped me celebrate my 21st.

clexaconwe

Obviously, I am lying about being 21. 22 forever!

Until next week, friends! Stay goo-less and don’t get possessed!

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Wynonna Earp 2×02, AKA The One Where Literally Everyone but Waverly Knows Not to Touch the Goo

  1. beth says:

    i like the waverly possessed by willa theory, but where does eating spiders come in? just a side effect of possession in general? or was willa an anthony bardain wanna be?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s