Wow, these titles are getting longer and longer.

Hello, Earpers! Welcome to another Unnecessarily Long recap. Evelyn Andrews teased a big reveal, and holy shit, she wasn’t kidding. It was a game-changing episode, both for the series and for a new standard by which to hold show runners, networks, and their actors. Seriously, that reveal at the end said as much about Wynonna Earp the story as it did Wynonna Earp the show. Grab some soup and a peanut butter chaser; if you’re tied to a chair, get comfy; and whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH THE GOO.

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Edwin Earp’s plate was stolen from a Black Badge operative, but don’t worry — his family got it back; Waverly had her hand cut off , but don’t worry — Gooverly grew it back; Dolls is a dragon; and Wynonna is now the Keeper of the Goo…and creepy AF.

We open on a cross between Buffy’s demon-lizard (patriarchial) frat boys and the Initiative chanting in the general direction of a businessman who is actually a busigooman, and they promptly cut off his head. There’s “only one” left to cleanse from the world, which sounds pretty good. Their leader, unfazed by the head he’s just dropped, asks if anyone else wants to go for nachos.

Let’s just maybe hold off on the salsa? Or go salsa verde. No reason.

At the Homestead, Goononna is mixing up a special smoothie bloody Mary for Waverly with all of the basic food groups — home fries, bacon, and a rat. Interestingly, it looked like she cooked the bacon first, though the rat was raw.

She’s still lovely, but this smile is so…chilling.

Waverly tries to reason with Goononna as she pours seriously one of the most disgusting drinks I’ve ever seen. They discuss Gooverly’s metal collection, and Goononna says she still needs more metal, but she has 12 hours to go. Mictian (who we eventually find out the goo demon is, because it’s a lot easier than typing “the goo demon” 84 times) explains to Waverly how difficult it was being inside her; Waves is just so…good that it was a struggle for it to take over. Wynonna is a different story.

Waverly manages to break through temporarily to Wynonna, but Goononna overpowers the heir. She’s about to force-feed Baby Girl a drink worse than vodka with a vodka chaser (I had a bad experience in college), but, luckily, Doc pulls up in his shiny (!) new car and saves Waverly from a breakfast worse than a hungover Grand Slam. Mictian, clad in its Wynonna skin suit, leaves Waverly tied to the chair, whistling as it walks away with the briefcase in hand.

She didn’t even make the bacon crispy, like I like.

Wynonna tells Doc that Waverly is hungover, and Doc takes her word for it…or at least he pretends to. She tries to distract him by objectifying him, which has worked in the past. And she’s right — he is wearing pants, and they do look pretty good. All the while, Waves is making as much noise as possible in an attempt to get Doc’s attention, and it’s tense. Like, it made me really nervous, even on third watch. Alas, it doesn’t work, and Doc lets the goo into his new car, and they drive away to parts unknown. I mean, they probably know where they’re going, but as of this point, we do not. Waverly manages to rock herself over onto the floor, where her muffled screaming continues.

At the municipal building, Jeremy’s listening to a weather report forecasting thundersnow, which leads me to believe Purgatory is the sister city of Pittsburgh. Doc and Goononna deliver the plate to Jeremy for examination, while Mictian rears its ugly head and takes a bite from every single fucking doughnut in the box.

Not gonna lie. Me doing this is not outside the realm of possibility, and I can’t blame it on goo.

The standard “Jeremy licks stuff” test indicates the plate isn’t as old as it seems, and he runs it through some equipment neither Doc nor I understand and discovers an etching.

My next tattoo.

Curiously, Goononna identifies it as the symbol on the front of the volunteer fire hall. You a member of the team now, Mictian?! Jeremy wants to take the plate back to BBD HQ, but when Doc reminds him that the last person who tried to transport the plate is now dead, Jeremy decides a picture says just the right amount of words. Doc convinces Goononna to go with him to the fire hall, and she’s fine with if she’s back by dark to take over the world check on Waverly.

Waverly’s calling for help, and we hear a door open and close. It’s Dolls, who thinks she’s still Gooverly. Get with the program, Dolls. That’s so twelve hours ago. After some solid interrogation (sweet and sour soup with peanut butter? Really? And you turned your nose up at a rat smoothie?) and some earnest apologies, Dolls believes she’s not possessed, but…he still doesn’t untie her, even though she’s crying. Okay, Dolls.

“I’m me” is one of those tiny lines that just brought the feels for me.

Wynonna walks into the station and talks to Nicole about the weather, jiggling her boob, like you do. Apparently her bra is tight, which definitely isn’t pointing to a big reveal later, and is definitely not proof that there is no such thing as a throwaway line in the world of Evelyn Andrews. Nicole asks about Waverly, and Goononna takes the opportunity to cut Nicole down. Savagely. Like, “bitches Monica went to high school with” savage. Goononna proves how truly evil it is by attacking the PUREST THING ON THIS SHOW, the WayHaught relationship and, specifically, Nicole.

I liked being smothered by you last week, but this week, I don’t like it so much.

Mictian tells Nicole that Waves needs some space and attacks Nicole right where it hurts. She insinuates Nicole is smothering Waverly, and the last thing Nicole wants to do is bring pain to her best baby.

DAMN YOU, GOONONNA. NOT WAYHAUGHT. IS NOTHING SACRED TO YOU?!

Nicole, fighting tears, tells Wynonna she’s mean when she drinks before noon, which is all of the time, and leaves, devastated…because all she wants is for Waverly to be her best self. Wynonna insinuating that she’s responsible for holding her back, for smothering her? She’s basically accusing her of being Champ.

Meanwhile, Wynonna’s managed to free her hand from Mictian’s influence and writes “possesed” on a post-it note. Proving that the demon took a little bit from Waverly when it left, she corrects Wynonna’s spelling.

The spelling/grammar/punctuation side of Waverly should totally be called Grammerly, am I right?!

…

I’ll see myself out.

Mictian forces Wynonna to stab herself in the hand, and when Doc comes around, it heals the hole, which is a pretty cool party trick and would definitely come in handy with all of the beatings she takes…and gives. It threatens Wynonna’s loved ones if she tries to alert anyone again.

So…it’s a stigmata demon?

Waverly explains the Mictian possession to Dolls — she could always feel it inside of her, tapping away, and when it won out, she remembered nothing, except that one being inside of her suddenly felt like a thousand. Dolls knows exactly what she’s talking about, but when she compares Mictian’s possession to his dragon, he gently lets her know it’s different. The thing inside him is him; not a passenger trying to hijack a ride. She explains Mictian left her for Wynonna because she wouldn’t do what it wanted — something she can’t quite remember what it is. They vow to rescue Wynonna, no matter what it takes, but Lucado and her cocking handgun have a different opinion.

At a local diner, Wynonna is literally murdering a stack of pancakes with syrup and hot sauce, then pours an amount of sugar in her clouded coffee that would make my wife’s cousin (who adds sugar after flavored creamer) think it was too sweet. Doc’s wondering who this fire department may be, but Goononna assures him they can handle any dicks inside…so to speak.

Nope, I’m just normal Wynonna. Nothing weird here.

As Doc stares at her affectionately (which we all know is just his poker face, trying to figure out what to do with the pancake-eating goo wearing the skin suit of his best friend’s descendant who he also happens to have some complicated feelings for), she tries to get him to spend the morning chasing more…naked pursuits. They’re interrupted by the waitress telling them that a pancake refill isn’t a thing, which Goononna takes issue with. After some Mictian BuffyBot weirdness, they head out for the station.

At the homestead, Dolls and Lucado trade barbs, and Waverly tries to break it up. Unfortunately, she’s still TIED TO THE CHAIR, so there’s little she can do other than reason with them. (Honestly, that alone would work on me, but I’m not a trained Black Badge detective.) What follows is one of the most amazing fight scenes I have seen on this show…or any show, really. It’s a thousand percent believable that Lucado would be a match for Dolls in the fighting skills department because of her training, and Kate Drummond absolutely nails this. Just nails it. It’s clear Lucado is more than a paper-pushing ice queen in shoulder pads. She has the skills to back it up.

While Black-and-Blue Badge are duking it out and turning the homestead into the Summers’ house, Waverly manages to free herself from the chair and grabs one of the many shotguns laying around and fires it into the ceiling. Now that she has their attention, she explains to Lucado exactly how serious the situation is — Wynonna is possessed, and then she notices that Peacemaker has been left behind. The situation is balls, indeed.

My OTP is Waverly and salty language.

Wynonna and Doc head into the station and encounter Ewan, the head demon fighter fire fighter. Goononna can’t even be bothered to act normal (probably because of the consecrated ground) as she talks to Ewan because she feels the energy of all of the goo that went before her. She ends up pulling a knife on him, and Doc escorts her out, claiming she has the same illness her sister does. Oh, and then Ewan casually mentions that Juan Carlo is gonna be pissed.

Do you even lift?

Goononna asks for some water, and Doc leads her to his trunk. He opens it and67 inquires about Peacemaker; met with a shift-eyed glance, he then casually mentions that in addition to never leaving the house without her gun, Wynonna also drinks her coffee black, before shoving Goononna in the trunk.

Talk about goo in the boot junk in the trunk.

Doc and Dolls drag Goononna down the hall at the police station and into a holding cell, but not before she can hurl some insults at her baby sister. Waverly takes all of the blame on herself for touching the goo in the first place. Calm down, Waverly. I’m pretty sure we’ve all touched something we shouldn’t have and regret it in the morning…or seven weeks later.

Waverly explains that Mictian grew her severed hand back and then asks about calling in Black Badge for backup. Dolls and Lucado explain that they’re basically on their own — BB wants Dolls dead and is treating Lucado like she is dead. They’re on their own.

🎶 I’ve got a theory, that it’s a demon; A dancing demon, no, something isn’t right there 🎶 

Lucado sends Doc and Waves on a garbage errand just to get them out of the house station, ostensibly for a a goo sample, but not before reminding them not to touch the goo. Dolls says that all of this goo business sounds familiar, and he thought it has been defeated. Apparently not — Mictian (we find out) has been tracking him ever since that night in Kabul, which (you may remember) was the night that Lucado’s husband died. Apparently, no one has ever been able to untangle the goo from its host, and left untreated, it could decimate the entire town. Lucado needs an actual goo sample (the arch goo is long gone), and Dolls agrees to procure it, grabbing some conveniently placed garden snippers.

At the fire hall, Ewan is lifting and conversing with Juan Carlo. JC wants to spare the heir’s life, but Ewan isn’t willing to take any chances and wants it dead by any means necessary. He doesn’t see any shades of GooGrey. JC reminds Ewan they all have a role to play, including Wynonna, and killing her might derail that a bit. Ewan says thanks for the suggestion but no, thanks — it’s ending tonight.

Side note: all my friend could focus on was the barbell.

This is what happens when you make queer ladies watch sweaty men who aren’t Tim Rozon.

And THREE DAYS LATER, I got this series of DMs.

(Listen, I know that weightlifting accuracy isn’t the number-one goal of most TV shows, and this isn’t an actual criticism. But this made me laugh, and I hope it did you, too.)

Dolls approaches Goononna in the holding cell, and it asks if they’re going to talk demon-to-demon. Mictian taunts Dolls, reminding him that he’s never enjoyed the pleasures that Wynonna has to offer, then suggests they could maybe work something out.

Hard pass. I like the resulting goo of my earthly pleasures to be a little less black.

Dolls grabs her hand, and Mictian says he doesn’t have the guts to do it. Um, Dolls is a dragon. Try to keep up. Mictian insists regenerating Waverly’s hand was a one-time thing; it won’t work on Wynonna. Wynonna manages to break through the goo and demand that Dolls cut off her pinkie finger, which he does…after whispering, “I’m sorry.”

BRB. Dust in my eye.

Wynonna Goononna wails in pain, which immediately stops after Dolls leaves, because she can once again magically stick up her pinkie while she drinks her tea. Thanks for the finger, Mictian!

Dolls delivers the finger to Lucado, and she wants to bring Wynonna back into BBD HQ, mostly to save their own skins. Let’s just say that Dolls disagrees.

You had to have seen that one coming, Jeannie.

At the arch, Waverly theorizes about the goo’s physical properties, and Doc admits it’s not his department. Guess you should have called the hot mixologist into this one, huh? Juan Carlo suddenly appears in his Dodge Ram, and Doc introduces him as the man who saved Dolls’ life. JC disagrees, though, as he’s “quite unable” to help that directly. He tells Doc that the order, AKA the fire hall bros, cleaned up all of the goo-sidue already. JC tells them that they’re a mortal danger to Wynonna and suggests the bros can be distracted by something “they want more.” Before Waves and Doc can ask more questions, JC and his truck disappear.

At the station, Lucado has drawn the goo out of Wynonna’s finger and is about to analyze it (with her trusty Bunsen burner, natch) while Dolls has found some plants to help with the unbinding. Except the goo is talking to Lucado, and she’s not strong enough to take her own advice. Her husband gone, her career in tatters, she hears the voices of many reach out to her, and she’s tired of being alone. She touches the goo and makes the goo legion.

She may not have been strong enough to resist, but she’s tough enough to have her last act on this earth be saving Dolls, a man she tried to kill just a few hours earlier. You’ll never convince me that Lucado isn’t a hero. For whatever reason, she isn’t strong enough to maintain the possession, and her head just…explodes.

 

Am I the only one who thinks the goo was singing the old favorite “can’t even shout, can’t even cry; the Gentlemen are coming by”?

Dolls doesn’t trust the BBD clean-up to just anyone and throws on one of Wynonna and Doc’s hazmat suits and starts to scrubbing. Doc and Waverly interrupt, and Waves thinks that Dolls finally had enough of Lucado and got rid of her. He explains that, no, he didn’t go all Hungarian Horntail on her — she touched the goo and, unlike the Earpiest Earp, she wasn’t strong enough. Waverly asks where the goo came from, but Dolls distracts her with science. He explains his plan to get the demon to leave Wynonna, but Waverly points out that the plan needs a second part.

After the demon leaves, Wynonna won’t be able to fire Peacemaker at it. Doc and Dolls think they can slow it down, but Waves isn’t so sure. They are focused on getting Mictian out of Wynonna and aren’t thinking as far ahead as what to do after. Well…I don’t know if you knew this, but our Waverly is a planner, and she takes off. Somehow, they don’t even bother to notice.

I feel like I should maybe go after her, but let’s discuss essential oils instead. I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s definitely not reckless.

Dolls lists all of the ingredients they have and says they just need a container. Doc pulls out a hip flask, empties it into his mustachioed mouth, and passes it over, content that he’s played his part in the plan. The only surprising part about this is that Dolls looks shocked that it happened.

Doc must have kept that thing pretty close to the vest hip for Gooverly not to Little Mermaid it from him.

Waverly finds Goononna in her jail cell, and Mictian takes the opportunity to taunt her about Officer HaughtPants. Waves tries to get through to her sister, but Goononna is focused on telling Waverly that she can do better. Whoa, Goononna. You should have seen Champ.

Mictian hints at Waverly’s darkness, because of course she does. Emily Andras likes to keep us on our toes. Waverly doesn’t have time for that, though. She only cares about saving Wynonna. She knows that the only way she can save her sister is if she draws the demon into herself so Wynonna is strong enough to kill it. She holds Peacemaker to Goononna’s skin, forcing the demon to jump into herself. Gooverly stretches out and enjoys her new/old body, smirking at fallen Wynonna. As Doc and Dolls rush towards the screams, Gooverly exits as Wynonna tells them to stop her. But they still think Wynonna is 87% goo, so stop her they do not.

An exhausted Wynonna explains Mictian’s plan to her boy toys — it’s going to build an army, starting with Waverly. But our heir has her gun back, and she’s going to save everyone.

That’s what a goddamn hero looks like, thank you very much.

At the homestead, the Initiative Order are waiting for the heir but are surprised when “some girl” pulls up. Ewan tells them that this “girl” is actually their demon. I’m sorry, boys, but just like her sister, Waverly Earp was never just “some girl,” goo or not.

Inside the barn, we see Nicole. Now, I want Nicole to be around at all times, but actually not this one. Run, Nicole! Be safe! Unfortunately, I hear she runs towards the danger, so I guess I’ll just accept it. She’s examining the metal tower in the barn, and Gooverly is not happy to see her.

Ewan is outside the barn, monologuing about how no one will know what they did, they’re sacrificing one for the good of the many, men-inism, blah blah.

Inside the barn, Nicole explains she was trying to give her lady space, but she’s worried about her and what the actual fuck is the metal geoduck phallic symbol she’s standing next to? A thunder(ation) snowstorm is coming, and it’s going to turn the barn into a fire hazard. I mean, more of one.

The Brotherhood of Hoods and Masks are dumping holy water on the ground outside of the barn to consecrate it, which confuses Wynonna, since Gooverly is no Drusilla. Ewan thinks Wynonna is still possessed and not all heir-ed up. Dolls tries to reason with them, and it’s going nowhere. Wynonna chugs some holy water like it’s cheap tequila and proves that’s she’s goo-free since ’93 like an hour ago. Doc, remembering JC’s advice, offers the bros the Purgator Fair plate, and they agree to let Wynonna in.

Well, Gooverly Earp is also a crafty fox, and when she overhears Wynonna outside, she plays Nicole like the lovesick fool she is. She unsteadily explains to her best baby that Wynonna is possessed and hurt her, which is all it takes for Nicole to go into Protect and Serve mode. She steps in front of Gooverly, whose eyes are in full force, and grabs onto the handcrafted metal obelisk, waiting for the lightning strike to fuse her to her meat suit.

Wynonna enters the barn, where Nicole is protecting Gooverly. She threatens to shoot her future sister-in-law, but Wynonna explains the situation — Waves is Gooves and she needs to drink the herbal concoction out of Doc’s flask. You know, pretty typical in-law stuff.

Just wait until we draw Secret Santa names. Then the shit-ticket is really gonna hit the fan.

Nicole isn’t buying it, and Wynonna pleads with her. Wy tells Nicole she’s a little pushy for her tastes, but she knows Nicole loves Waverly, and so does she. And then Gooverly makes a fatal mistake — she tells Nicole to shoot her sister, something Waverly would never do. Devastated, Nicole turns to plead with her girlfriend who’s somewhere underneath all that goo, and Gooverly takes the opportunity to toss Nicole around, because it isn’t an episode of Wynonna Earp Season 2 if Nicole Haught doesn’t get the crap kicked out of her.

Wynonna pleads with her sister to hold off the goo a little bit longer, just so she can drink the unbind-y concoction. Waves breaks through, but not enough that she can make herself consume it. She reminds Wynonna of when she made her drink grape soda until it came out her nose, and Wynonna knows what she has to do. She punches her sister in the stomach, tackles her, and forces the bevvie down her throat.

Wonder if she salted that rim.

Waverly vomits up the goo, and her sister sends Mictian back to Hell with Peacemaker. The thundersnow clouds retreat, and so does The Order, along with the briefcase. Nicole crawls over to her girl and holds her; Waverly can’t believe she ordered her to shoot Wynonna, and Nicole admits that she almost did it. “I would shoot anybody for you,” she admits tearfully.

If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.

BeaverDam!Wynonna throws some metaphorical water on WayHaught, and she and Nicole help Waverly up. She tells Nicole that she didn’t mean all of the mean things she said as Goononna, and Nicole would like some clarification, please. But it’s good-natured banter, at least for now, and they make their way home.

For one brief moment, all is right in the world.

This is what a family looks like.

Dolls enters BBD, and he explains to Jeremy that Lucado is dead. When Dolls tries to talk about a strategy in informing their bosses, Jeremy tells him that everything is…gone. The place was empty, everyone cleared out, and BBD HQ is a ghost town.

Wynonna pops in on Ewan and his boys, and they are, of course, working out. Work it, boys! Those treed kittens won’t save themselves!

Wynonna asks what his job is, exactly, and if it’s actually protecting the Triangle like he says, she asks where they’ve been, which is a valid question. He avoids answering and blames Willa, “the rightful heir,” for opening the gateway and letting in more demons. Wyn says there’s no need to worry about her, since she shot Willa herself. Ewan tries, kind of, to make peace with her and asks about being allies, but Wynonna doesn’t have time for that.

At the Homestead, Waverly is sitting on the stairs, paper bag in hand. Wynonna is surprised (and so happy) to see her, because she thought she’d be with her gal pal.

SO happy! Pretty happy about company for a lone wolf.

Waves needed to pick something up, though, and tells her that Mictian told her some things about her sister. Wynonna is visibly nervous that Waverly knows all of her secrets, which is definitely something that I’m sure we’ll come back to eventually, but this secret that Waves knows? Not even Wynonna does. The demon said that things were “too crowded” inside Wynonna, and it wasn’t talking about doughnuts. Wynonna is pregnant.

In a beautifully shot scene, the sisters talk around Wynonna’s surprise passenger, saving the “positive” reveal until the very end, where Wynonna flips the pregnancy test over. And it feels right that it’s just the two of them. Wynonna and Waverly against the world, there for each other and whoever else there may be.  Everything about this scene is perfect.

Monica’s Random Points of Randomness:

• Just like Tatiana Maslany and all of the clones, it’s amazing to me that Melanie Scrofano is both Goononna and Wynonna. And she takes it a step further and is able to transform herself without the added bonus of different hairstyles, clothes, etc. Like, Goononna is a completely different entity, and she conveys that so well. Someone please give her all of the awards. I will give her an award.
• I guess GooWaves missed that one cocktail spoon in her Ariel shiny-things quest.
• I don’t think people in Purgatory are on the same page as I am as to what does and doesn’t make a savage.
• It’s very telling to me that the only times Wynonna was able to break the goo’s hold is when Waverly was in extra danger — in the kitchen of the homestead, after the conversation with Nicole where Mictian attacks her about Waverly, and in the jail, right after Mictian finished talking about Waverly. Wynonna’s number-one priority has always been her baby sister.
• Mictian reminds me a little bit of the BuffyBot in the things it says and how it behaves. They both are trying to pretend to be normal members of society, and Mictian doesn’t have the added bonus of being programmed by Willow Rosenberg.
• It’s super cute that Doc has a new car, is so excited about his new car, and brought everyone coffee. He’s adjusting so well to life in 2017!
• You’ll never convince me that Doc didn’t know within 30 seconds of talking to Goononna that it was the goo. I think he was playing the long game.
• Wynonna and Doc having a normal discussion outside while Waverly is inside, screaming, muffled by her gag, is absolutely terrifying.
• I enjoyed the “trust me,” “I always do” and the “don’t you trust him?” “Always” interactions between Wynonna and Doc.
• Jeremy’s awkward whirring noise when he uses his special equipment thingy reminds me of my attempts at flirting when I was his age.
• I’m a little confused as to why Goononna would tell them where the symbol was, but I’m convinced it’s because Mictian thinks it’s beyond being defeated. Who cares if they go straight into the lair of the people who want to kill it? Mictian is cocky, and that helped lead to its demise.
• Is Goononna trying to get the weather app to work the entire time? I bet she’s deliberately tanking Words with Friends games, because she truly is evil.
• Waverly being so happy to see Dolls is adorable. I’ve so missed our sweet Waverly of season one. But not that part where she settles for Champ. I’m good with seeing that go.
• I personally feel that if you’ve ascertained your coworker isn’t possessed by the goo, step one is untying her before you have a heart-to-heart strategy mission, but I guess I’m just old fashioned. Maybe dragons conduct business differently than I do.
• Nicole would have to be made of stone not to check out Wynonna’s boobs, which are definitely more powerful than dynamite.
• The sheer internal strength it took Waverly to fight off Mictian for as long as she did is unimaginable.
• I wonder if part of the reason Waverly was able to fight the demon off better than Wynonna is that Wynonna really only cares deeply a lot about one thing — Waverly. Everything else, she cares, but it’s not the same level. But Waverly — she loves Wynonna, Gus, Nicole, even Doc and Dolls so completely — with every level of her being — in part because Waverly hasn’t had the same life experiences as Wynonna. She’s not as cautious with her heart. She still lets herself feel and care and devote herself completely, and she’s full of that love. Wynonna only lets herself care that way about Waverly, because everyone else, she’s ready for them to let her down.
• Waverly and Dolls’ scene together was so perfect and so reminiscent of their scene together in season on. He’s so gentle and understanding with her — more so than with anyone else. In some ways, they’re the two most intelligent people of the Scoobies. Not that everyone else isn’t, but they specifically understand things (and each other) in ways that everyone else doesn’t. But now I guess Jeremy can be a part of their nerd club.
• And the look that Waves and Dolls share over the fact that she fought the demon off for seven weeks? He’s so impressed by her, and she’s embarrassed at the attention. It’s adorable.
• It’s interesting that the demon is presented with needing strong tastes — overly sweetened coffee, pancakes that are spicy and sweet. I just thought this was a neat little character thing. OR WAIT WAS THIS NOT THE GOO, BUT BECAUSE OF THE PREGNANCY?! WAS THIS ANOTHER CLUE, EVELYN?!
• I think it’s the careful use of crazy eyes that transform Wynonna into Goononna.
• To be fair, a pancake refill is totally something Wynonna would ask for.
• After Lucado asks Waverly for a situation update, there’s a split second before she spies Peacemaker that (in my opinion) shows how excited she is that Lucado’s treating her as an equal. And she didn’t even need spy school!
• Waverly’s “I said I was sorry” was sooo adorably earnest first-season Waverly.
• Doc is SO PROUD of his cassette player. I am SO PROUD that he knows what a cassette is.
• I was kind of hoping for an Angel-esque demon possession of Dolls, where you need a demon to fight a demon.
• Doc teasing Waverly about calling Rosita hot is a great example of their adorable younger sister/(dozens-of-years) older brother relationship. Wonder if this is foreshadowing and we’ll see Waves be distracted by Boobs McSeltzer?
• Juan Carlo, if you can appear/disappear, why have a truck in the first place?
• Lucado had some ups and downs as a character, but I love that she (in my opinion) died as a hero and saved Dolls. She was such a complex character and I’m sad to see her go, but this ending was fitting of her.
• Waverly really is the Earpiest Earp. She’s so smart and so brave and doesn’t hesitate to take the goo on again. She knows that’s their best shot at winning, and her best shot at saving her sister.
• Interesting that the longer Mictian inhabited Waverly, the less of a WayHaught shipper it became. It’s kissing Nicole at the gym, but by the end, it’s trying to break them up. Some-goo-one doesn’t like our honest Officer Haught.
• I wonder if that consecrated barn will come in handy later in the season.
• The “you’ve made an enemy this Friday,” “it’s Tuesday” exchange is the perfect example of why this show is so great. It’s a tense, dramatic moment, and our imperfect hero doesn’t even know what fucking day it is. LOVE IT.
• Doc’s wide stance with his double-fisting guns makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE TIME.
• So everyone knows that Nicole and Waverly love each other, but they just haven’t admitted it to each other (at least within earshot), right? In a Twitter discussion with the awesome @HaughtsCuffs, I said (and she agreed) that I think the show wants to give this moment its due, both because the characters deserve it and we deserve it. She said she thinks they’re building towards it, and I agree.
• How did The Order get to homestead? I don’t see a fleet of cars/minivans/bus.
• Everyone is talking about Willa way too much for her not to make an appearance in some form this season.
• As soon as I saw Waverly with a paper bag in her hand, I immediately thought “pregnancy test,” and my mind went into overdrive.
• I just realized that this episode brought another Wynonna I can actually cosplay — Pregnant!Wynonna. Finally, my womanly figure pays off.

Favorite lines:

• Wynonna: It hurts…but I’m trying. I think this line basically sums up Wynonna’s entire life.
• Wynonna: It’s not that I don’t always notice your tight little rump, but today’s junk in the trunk is especially delightful. I like this because of the foreshadowing to the junk that will eventually be in John Henry’s trunk.
• Jeremy: Okay, Purgatory Fair, 1952. Was it a good one? Doc: I was at the bottom of a well. Jeremy: Hard core. Odd. Doc: You really are.
• Waverly: You’re an hour late and an Earp short.
• Waverly: It jumped into Wynonna because I wouldn’t do what it wanted. Dolls: Which was what? Waverly: I don’t know. I was fighting too hard to ask.
• Waverly: Guys, we just replaced that.
• Waverly: Well, frankly, Lucado, the situation is balls. THIS IS ONE OF MY TOP-FIVE WAVERLY LINES OF ALL TIME.
• Ewan: If you’re interested, we’re always looking for new volunteers. Doc: Oh, by the looks of it, y’all do too many sit-ups for my taste.
• Waverly: Hell fire shall quicken against your flesh and devour your soul, dragging you into its everlasting depths! Waverly: I said I was sorry!
• Lucado: Hey, and I hope I don’t need to stress this, but don’t touch the goo. Waverly: Oh, I don’t even take free samples at the grocery store anymore.
• Doc: Like that time I put a can of pasta in the microwave.
• Gooverly: Waverly Earp, you crafty fox.
• Wynonna: Don’t ever say “collateral damage” when you’re talking about my sister.
• Wynonna: You’ve made an enemy this Friday. Ewan: It’s Tuesday. Wynonna: Good to know.
• Nicole: Thank you for saving our girl. Wynonna: That thing took Willa. Wasn’t letting it get Waverly. Waverly: I knew you’d rescue me. Wynonna: All I did was bring a flask. It’s it’s just standard Earp operating procedure. Nicole: Yeah. You said some nasty things. Wynonna: Well, that was the demon talking.I don’t believe all of it. Nicole: Wait, what do you mean, “all of it”?

Least favorite line:

Goononna: Three unreturned messages? Waverly needs space. She’s dying under the weight of your expectations. Waverly’s not the “white picket fence in Purgatory” girl you want her to be anymore. Mictian knows just what to say to wound its victims and definitely attacks one of Nicole’s biggest fears.

Monica’s Insane Theory of the Week:

The life growing inside Wynonna? It’s Willa, regenerated.

Monica’s final thoughts:

Hello, friends. I just wanted to take a minute and talk about the giant bombshell of the week — that Wynonna is pregnant. I know that everyone is entitled  to their own thoughts and opinions, and since this is basically an entire blog of my own opinions, here are some of mine.

I have seen both positive and negative reactions to this storyline online, and I have also read several interviews with Emily and Melanie about the whole situation. I can’t imagine what it would be like to show up to your job playing an action hero and have to tell your boss that you’re pregnant. I can’t imagine said boss turning to the network in charge and saying, “Hey, guess what we’re doing.” And I can’t believe the network was like, “Pregnant superhero? Cool, that’s a thing we want to do.”

The positivity of the Earper community obviously starts from the top. Emily and Melanie, thank you for giving us such wonderful women to believe in, both in character and in person. Further, I love that Wynonna Earp is such a sex-positive show, and sometimes, a baby happens when you have sex. But in Purgatory, that’s only one possible cause for a pregnancy out of a thousand. I don’t even bother to come up with actual theories anymore as to what happens, because no matter what I think it is, the show will shock and surprise me and blow my mind. Sure, as far as the audience knows, the only person Wynonna has had relations with is Doc, but a whole lot of living happens in the hours off camera. Wynonna is a modern woman who enjoys things that make her feel good, including but not limited to whiskey, doughnuts, shooting things, smashing the patriarchy, and sex. And sometimes when you have sex, whether it’s expected or not, it ends in a baby. Or, maybe if you do a ninja slide under an arch while you’re pursued by a goo demon, it ends up with your regenerated sister being implanted in your womb. Only a handful of us know the rules of Purgatory, and I am not one of those priveliged few. But I trust the people who do, because they haven’t led us astray yet.

Because that’s the thing. This ship is being steered by people that I trust, and I trust that this storyline is going to be amazing. I’m excited to see what happens, and I’m filled with absolutely no trepidation about it whatsoever, because if there’s one thing the Wynonna Earp folks know, it’s Wynonna Earp. Thank you for creating this journey and letting us come along for the ride.