Well, let me tell you about this shit ticket.

At FanExpo, I awkwardly hung out with a bunch of strangers (and my wife) while we waited in line for the Wynonna Earp panel. Happily, three of those strangers invited us to dinner with them, and I ended up walking and talking with the youngest, Michelle, a millennial from Iowa. I figured that the 10-minute discussion we had on our way to the restaurant would be the longest conversation I’d ever have with her, but…I was so, so wrong.

Somehow, despite our age difference and geographical distance (and the fact that she thinks ketchup belongs ONLY on French fries, not hot dogs), we became pretty good imaginary friends. She and Heidi and I all managed to get swept up in ClexaCon FOMO and attended, and if spending several days cramped in a casino fangirling over pretty, intelligent, talented women doesn’t make your bond stronger, I don’t know what does. Despite the fact that she took advantage of our generosity and slept on our couch for two nights (and the fact that we are both extremely socially awkward and much, much better via social media than in person), we still had a good time together. We had this great Carmilla photo op, and I made a bet with her that she’d reach 500 Twitter followers by the end of the convention, a bet which she lost. I’m still waiting for her to fulfill the terms, so at Dragon Con, she’ll be eating…a hot dog with ketchup. I may live-blog it. Or live-tweet it. But not live-stream it, because that’s creepy. 

Do you remember back in the old days when I had time to do recaps? Me too. That was fun. Anyway, they almost didn’t happen. My wife was out of town, and I had written about 3/4 of my first one. I thought it was awful. Garbage. Trash heap. I had been messaging with Michelle that night and told her how I was going to kill it. And she talked me out of it. She’s talked me down from a lot of fandom ledges over these last several months, including one where I was so upset that I contemplated walking away from writing, watching, tweeting, and everything else. She talked me down and convinced me to stay, something that I’m very happy she did, and I’m honored to call her a friend. Mostly. Even if she does call me an asshole at least twice a week.

Tell us a little bit about your non-Earper alter ego.

I have a degree in Engineering Mechanics, AKA Applied Mechanics, but work as a test engineer for drivetrain and hydraulic systems in large agricultural equipment. Basically I break shit for a living. I’m one of those people who loves CrossFit and obstacle-course races despite being one of the most accident-prone people on Earth. [ Editor’s note — this is accurate. I’ve known her for not even a year, and I can’t even tell you how many “I had to go to the hospital” stories I have heard. ] My all-time favorite show is Person of Interest — ask me about it and I won’t shut up for days. I recap Wynonna Earp, Orphan Black, Supergirl, Legends of Tomorrow, and Pretty Little Liars for StarryMag.com and write random TV-related musing on my website, UntanglingSpaghetti.com. Oh, and I’m always wearing a snapback.

How did you find Wynonna Earp and the fandom?

I first heard about Wynonna Earp a few weeks before the premiere. I had actually forgotten about the premiere until I woke up from a nap and saw my phone had blown up. I ran to the living room and made it just in time to watch and live-tweet the premiere. #HaughtDamn

Is this your first fandom?

No, I’ve been involved in the PLL and Carmillla fandoms prior to Wynonna Earp BUT never to the degree I’m involved in this one.

What is your favorite fandom memory?

One time, Melanie Scrofano held my hand.

What is your favorite con memory?

By far it has to be my experience with Wynonna Earp at FanExpo last year. I was annoyed with work and life in general, so I decided on Wednesday to buy a ticket to FanExpo and drive from Iowa to Toronto on Thursday to go to the Carmilla and Wynonna Earp panels. I met some amazing people who have become some of my best friends, and I got to meet the cast and The Andras for the first time. [ Editor’s note — this is where we met, so obviously it’s the favorite. ]

What is your favorite Wynonna Earp/Earper activity?

Live-tweeting each episode with you all is the best. Aside from Wynonna Earp being an amazing show, the subculture we’ve created for ourselves is the best part of this fandom. I’ve never been with a show from the start, and getting to be a part of this community and help it grow has been one of the best experiences I’ve had.

What has Wynonna Earp come to mean to you?

Well, that’s a loaded question. I believe that storytelling is one of the most important aspects of our culture. It’s how we share knowledge, and it’s where we go to learn things about ourselves. Wynonna Earp tells a story about hunting demons in a town called Purgatory, but the show is about unapologetically being yourself, flaws and all. We live in a ridiculously judgmental world that tells us day in and day out that we need to change ourselves to fit into a mold, but every week for one hour, I get to sit down and hang out with a group of open-minded people watching a show that tells us to embrace our flaws.

Are there any pictures you’d like to share of your Wynonna Earp experience?

A gaggle of Fandras at C2E2.

At ClexaCon, in which I am channeling fellow Yinzer @VisitPurgatory and closing my eyes. Thanks for picking such a flattering picture, Michelle. You’re the best.

Dolls or Doc?

I’ve got to go with Doc, and it definitely has nothing to do with me being envious of his wardrobe.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you Fandras?

I bought a ticket to C2E2 just to join my fellow Fandras in annoying Emily. I don’t know where that lands on the scale, so I’ll leave ranking to you.

[ Editor’s note — 7. Points deducted for using her correct name. ]

Describe why Fandras is a thing in 7 words or less.

Because I said it is?

What is your favorite Earp sister moment?

Every Earp sister moment is my favorite. If I had to pick one, I guess I the horrible moment when that claw-handed shit ticket chopped off Waverly’s hand. Wynonna’s reaction to seeing her baby sister hurt showed just how much Wynonna loves and cares about Waverly. I think my favorite moment by the end of season two will be when Wynonna finally finds out that Waverly isn’t biologically an Earp. I’m positive that Wynonna will agree with Nicole — Waverly’s the Earpiest Earp, blood or not.

How have you Earped your life?

Wynonna Earp is all about being unapologetically yourself, which is difficult for me living as a queer woman working in a male-dominated field in a relatively conservative, Fox News-watching, Cheeto-loving area. At work, I have to play ridiculous games to get shit done without ruffling too many patriarchal feathers, but when it was time to negotiate a new job offer, I went the full Wynonna and was unapologetically me. Nailed the meeting, got the job, and now have my very own minion.

What’s the Earpiest thing you’ve ever done?

I had a horrible day at work, so I spent my lunch break in my car watching Wynonna Earp on my phone.

How are you most like Randy Nedley?

I, too, am a firm believer in galpalitis

The Machine gives Root and company Willa’s number at the end of season one. What do they do and what happens?

First off, I love that you said, “Root and company” instead of Team Machine. Way to respect my ride-or-die queer character. All right, what would Team Machine do with Willa? Willa would pull a season-one-finale Root, except she’d fail. With Root and Shaw on the team, they’d quickly piece together that Willa is in cahoots with Bobo. Root would tail Willa. Shaw would tail Bobo. Harold and his fucking glasses would sit around uselessly while John snooped around Shorty’s. John would find the basement lab, free Doc, and manage to get shot at least once. Shaw would overhear Bobo’s talk with Waverly, and when John reports on the basement lab, she’d kneecap him. Then after everything’s over, she’d pull Waverly aside and have a Gen moment. Root would get into a firefight with Willa like she was some sort of Martine and kneecap her. They’d deliver Bobo and Willa to Black Badge and head on their merry way to their next number.

[ Editor’s note — I only understood about 64% of this, but…cool! ]

Wynonna pulls Peacemaker on you. What does it do?

Well, I haven’t touched any goo recently, so I don’t think it would glow orange. It might glow blue if Wynonna caught me on a bad day… #Slytherin

Here’s where you can find Michelle:

@micnic1291 (personal Twitter)

http://untanglingspaghetti.com/ (personal blog)

Thanks for reading, my friends. I hope you enjoyed it. Michelle is one of my favorite Earpers, but please don’t tell her. She gets all twitchy when you say nice things.

See you all back here next week!