I CAN Quit You

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Eight years ago Monday, I quit smoking.

There are a couple of factions of people in my life who will have completely opposite reactions. There are the ones I went to high school with who can’t imagine their valedictorian doing anything “bad.”

I tried to find a picture of myself from high school and failed. I should have raided my mom’s photo albums today. The only one I had access to was one my friend Beth sent me. It contains about 7 other people, none of whom — save her and our friend Jenny — would be thrilled about appearing on some random lesbian’s blog. Oh, and Beth’s husband is there with another lady. So let’s just say I was a bit of a goody-two-shoes.

Then…there are my friends from college.
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College BFF Sarah. And some awkward man in drag.

I smoked all. the. time. Back then, you could smoke in a lot more places, like in bars.

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And daaaaaance!

One girl in my sorority called the “The Smoking Mon,” which was apparently an “X-Files” reference. And my favorite bar was nicknamed Smokin’ Mon’s in honor of my patronage (and pile of cigarettes I left in my wake).

I’m pretty sure my high-school peers pictured something different — a lot more books, a lot more flannel.

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Exactly.

Anyway, I left college with a degree and a pack-a-day habit. All things considered, it could have been worse.

I quit once about a month before my dad died, and, well, that didn’t last long.

But two days after my 30th birthday, I lit up for the last time. I wish I could say that I don’t miss it ever, that I don’t still crave them, that I don’t wish I could be one of those smokers who have one every now and then, but I can’t.

I can, say, though, that Chris would kill me if I ever started smoking again.

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And how could I give this up?

Happy Quit Day, Monica. Way to not light things on fire and inhale them!

Yeah!

Thirty-eight

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I’ve been horrible at being a blogger. Chris and I have been busy with, well, life, I guess. 



Moment of downtime with that a-hole cat sticking his tail in my face.

In honor of my almost-38 years on this earth and another year closer to 40, here are 38 random statements.

  1. We have eleventy million shows we want to watch, and yet, all it seems like we watch are reruns of “Castle” and “Modern Family.” “Modern Family” is on right now. Three episodes and counting.
  2. The balloons Chris got me for Valentine’s Day are going strong.
  3. We live in a really old house, and the shower has been giving us problems. We had one estimate this week and another in a couple weeks. I know we need to take our time and make a responsible decision, but I wish it were being replaced tomorrow.
  4. We went to the home show, which is where we found the bathroom estimators. I love the home show. Love it. It’s always around my birthday, and I drag Chris there every year.
  5. Work has been crazy, which seems like the norm lately. But at least Chris and I get to drive to work together.
  6.  We went for a walk this weekend at the Montour Trail so we could take pictures of this ice craziness in the old tunnel.  
  7. I also took this picture. “Let’s go for a walk on the trail in the snow and do our scratch-offs!,” said at least one person.
  8. 38 didn’t seem like that many when I started.
  9. We have narrowed down our photographer search to a handful of possibilities. We need to set up appointments with them to see which is the best fit, and then it’s another box checked!
  10. Doing that stuff is so awkward. It’s always weird meeting new people, and then there’s the added issue of them trying to sell themselves. Plus…gay couple, which everyone is not always okay with. So that will be fun.
  11. We have pretty much solidified the cookie table, so at least the most important wedding planning is done.
  12. Chris is doing dishes while I’m blogging on the couch. I like that she isn’t upset with me for being lazy. I’m a lucky gal.
  13. Sometimes I get sad that we knew each other for so long (10 years!) before we started dating. But, really, neither of us was ready back then. Life leads you in interesting places.
  14. For instance…I used to blog for a gay-wedding website. You know, that other time I was getting married. Through the years, I have kept in touch with some of my fellow bloggers on the Facebook and seen them get married and have kids. I had a bet with one of them last year, a bet that ended up with me sending homemade pumpkin-spice blondies to her. Well, said friend lives in the San Francisco Bay area, and when I asked her for suggestions on areas to stay for our honeymoon, she offered up a free place to stay, all out of the kindness of her (and her family’s) heart. 
  15. So all of those problems and years of difficulty led to a house! On our honeymoon!
  16. That makes total sense, right?
  17. A new brewery opened up near our house, Spoonwood. These pretzels and beer cheese were freaking amazing.
  18. And this beer. I don’t know which one this was, but the coffee-drip ale was amazing. It will change your life. 
  19. Also, adorable beer samples for $2.00.
  20. This guy is trying to help me blog.
  21. I kept whining to Chris that I didn’t have any presents, so she gave me an early one. A Millennium Falcon keychain!
  22. Thanks, Buzzfeed, for all of your “Top This Many Restaurants to Try In This Place” or “With This Food.” Our honeymoon will have to be seven weeks to eat all of those doughnuts!
  23. I could probably eat all of the doughnuts in two days.
  24. We have also been incorporating more activity into our, well, activities. We are doing twice-a-week Zumba, walking on the trail, Piyo, and I got a Fitbit. And we wonder why we have no free time.
  25. Restaurants we have been to lately — Emporio at Sienna Mercato, Piper’s Pub, Ten Penny, Toscana Brick Oven. This weekend — Primanti’s, Gianna Via, and Piper’s Pub (again). 
  26. Pittsburgh is not always my favorite place, but they do know how to make good food!
  27. I’m headed to Mom’s Monday for more birthday celebrating, so I’m basically extending it an extra two days. That’s always a fun time.
  28. I’m not sure how I got to be 38. Better than the alternative, but still.
  29. That being said, 38 wil be awesome. So many things to look forward to.
  30. So, there’s that wedding of a lifetime, which will be great.
  31. And there’s marrying my favorite person. Also great.
  32. Hey, my favorite person and I get to go on an amazing vacation!
  33. Maybe something like this will happen! This is us watching the sunset at Matador Beach on our “second date.”
  34. The stage production of “Dirty Dancing” is next month, and we’re eating at Meat and Potatoes beforehand, who have the best burger in Pennsylvania, per some random list. They also have bone marrow, which I will not be eating.
  35. One of my favorite things about the upcoming year is that I don’t even know what all the year will bring. 
  36. It’s going to be amazing.
  37. I’m a lucky person.
  38. Thank you for reading all of my 38 points.

Happy birthday to me!

So. Much. Excitement.

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So, I’ve had a random couple of days on day shift, which has been wonderful because I get to spend time with this lady.

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Wedding planning! We’re so organized!

We are currently on day 14 of Whole30. It’s going pretty well, though my Instagram followers are probably tired of seeing pictures of breakfast foods, no matter how awesome they are. Breakfast is the only meal I make by myself regularly, since Chris is usually at work, so I feel the need to share my pride.

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Frank’s Red Hot is my breakfast friend. So is the Marauder’s Map. Also, you should probably follow me on Instragram.

I feel pretty good, and we’re eating some good recipes, both new favorites and old standards. And a lot of salad. Canned chicken has been my spirit animal of late.

This weekend, Winter Storm Linus was supposed to blanket us (get it?!) with snow, but instead we only got a little, almost like someone pulled the football away before we got the chance to kick it. “Yeah! Snow! Oh…” Good grief.

After some friend and baby time…

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“I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Want to see?”

…we had planned a cozy weekend in, and it hasn’t failed us. Movie and TV watching, cooking, and wedding planning have been our life, and it’s been pretty great.

And today…we booked our honeymoon.

Wait, that feels kind of tame.

Today, we booked our…

[ As Oprah Winfrey ] HONEYMOON!

Well, the flights, but still.

I’m super excited, and it’s the best thing to beat this winter chill. Twelve days in sunny California with this lady.

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From our first California outing together, at sunset at Matador Beach.

All in all, a great weekend. A great week. I’m very happy, and life is good. You know, all that happy jazz.

Also, my aunt texted me this picture, because…I’m adorable.

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Happy February, friends.

A Dream

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I had planned on blogging today, and I had several possible topics floating around in my head.

  • Anything talking about the last three months of 2014, because I blogged very little
  • A post about the timing of things in my life and how things seem to come along when you need them, even though in retrospect you wish you would have acted sooner
  • A guest blog for Oh Honestly Erin about my hometown of Moundsville

And eleventy million other things, because that’s how my mind works.

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My lovely fiancée and a wall hanging we really wanted to buy, because accuracy.

And then I had a dream last night about my dad. So I’m going to talk for a bit about that.

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Stylin’.

A lot of the details are jumbled. He was there, along with my mom, brother, and sister-in-law, and so was Chris, her mother, some of her siblings, and an aunt or two. (Sorry. Jumbled.) There were two main activities — renovating Chris’ mother’s house (which was, obviously, taken outside to remodel on the beach) and driving to and eating dinner.

The remodeling part is vague, so I don’t have a lot of details. It also didn’t resemble reality. Sorry, Karen (Chris’ mom), but I don’t think that Matt really needs a 25-foot ladder to hang a picture…and I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t all be outside.

I think it was in that section, though, that Dad made his appearance, but under the guise of someone else. I mean, it was my dad, and I recognized him immediately, but I think he had a “wink, wink” name, and we all just played along.

At some point, it was time to go to dinner, and I was the one driving…a ginormous RV. Up a “hill” to a restaurant in Wheeling…and by hill, think of the pyramids at Chichen Itza, and it was kind of like the stairs up to that. And I’m driving everyone — both families — in the RV. My mom reassured me, “Monica, it bothers me sometimes, too.” But I made it!

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Why didn’t you take the wheel, Dave?! Anastasia? Or…someone else?! Anyone?

Dinner involved stuffing lots of meats and veggies into a bowl, then handing it off to a cook for finalizing, the by-product of a discussion about a Mongolian BBQ at dinner this weekend, I think. Because food.

As dinner was wrapping up, I started worrying about driving down the hill. In the giant RV. With all of our family. So I asked my dad and Chris’ Uncle Bob if they would at least drive us down the hill, after which I would take over. Though professional-truck-driver Bob would be the obvious choice, my dad volunteered to bail me out of a tough position. Again.

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Too bad he couldn’t save me from that bucket hat. The plaid is on point, though.

At the end of the dream, after he agreed to drive, his eyes closed as he sat in his chair, and he seemed to drift off. I wondered if he was having a post-meal doze or if we were losing him again, but none of us tried to wake him. For me, it was because I didn’t want to know.

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Science fact — My mother and I both age at a very slow pace. The only thing that changes is our hair.

So I woke up and didn’t want to lose that warm fuzzy from the dream. I lazed in bed for a bit, made some breakfast, talked to my mom, and made my way upstairs to the computer with the actual keyboard.

And the part I keep thinking about — you know, the part you keep coming back to, like an unconscious rubbing of a frayed hoodie sleeve because it’s comforting — is when he said my name. It’s one of the things I miss about him, which I’ve talked about before. No one pronounces my name the same way as Dad did. He called me by name in my dream, and I teared up and asked him to repeat it. He said it slower and louder, because apparently death makes you a smartass like your daughter. “No, say it normal.” “Monica,” he said.

And that’s what I keep going back to.

“Monica.”

 

Dick LeBeau Is My Homeboy

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(I have been horrible at blogging lately. Horrible. I will address this at a later date. Here is this other fun thing that I wanted to write about.)

I am a pretty big Steelers fan. I used to watch the games with my dad. In kindergarten, we had to make a milk-box craft and could choose a cheerleader or a football player. I was the only girl who chose a football player. (Mine was Lynn Swann, a fact that liberal me is sad about.)
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One Year to Go!

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Guys, it’s been over a month since I blogged. I should be ashamed. I’ll just say it’s been a really busy time lately, especially at work. Here are a few quick things about what’s been going on.

Chris and I went on vacation with my family, and it was lovely. We spent a week at Cape May, New Jersey, with my mom, brother, and sister-in-law. The weather was a bit meh, but still nice to get away.

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We went to Wildwood one day, and it was desolate. A mile of boardwalk and two stores open. But at least we got to see it, and this picture happened.

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We got Graham a catnip banana, and it’s his new favorite thing.

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One day last month, we saw some clown driving a truck. He eventually saw me staring at him and returned my sheepish smile. But this happened before I got caught.

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We also saw this guy totally safely transporting a kayak.

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Chris wanted to find a trail nearby that was next to water, and we did. Canonsburg Reservoir 2, I believe. We had a lovely little walk.

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I made some epic pots of chili.

We went to a show on the South Side with Chris’ cousin Amber. I can’t recommend Postmodern Jukebox enough. It’s one of the best shows I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Poison four times, just to give you some reference.

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We went to our friend’s daughter’s soccer game and then to Trader Joe’s with them. It was great. All I had to do was say what I needed, and a helpful child went and got it. But if Chris didn’t hear the request, she would be confused at four cans of chickpeas being put in our cart by a middle schooler.

Tuesday we saw David Sedaris with some friends, and he was hilarious. We had a delicious meal, and, most impressively, I successfully drove us from the North Side to Oakland without getting lost. The show was a good time, and the venue was beautiful. I took zero pictures, though.

I extended my staycation to Wednesday for pumpkin carving. I went shopping with my mom that day, so I put on some chili before I left. By the time I got home, it smelled chili-rific. Chris came home and made some pumpkin cornbread, and we had some leftover pumpkin-spice cookie bars that I made for a blogging friend because I lost a bet. (Damn you, Pirates!) Not to brag, but the food was spectacular, if I do say so myself.

I haven’t carved a pumpkin in years. I really can’t remember the last time. I am always on afternoon shift in October, so I’ve missed the last few Chris has done. I had no idea what to carve, but eventually inspiration hit me. Who better to honor with a pumpkin than my favorite Steeler, Dick LeBeau?

(Brief background — Dick LeBeau is the defensive coordinator for the Steelers. He is 77 years old, and they have to announce his age at some point in every game, I swear. A couple years ago, I started posting on Facebook about when the announcers would mention it, and it has evolved into a weekly, anticipated-by-some Dick LeBeau post. I even received the Best Ornament of All Time from my future SIL Amy, a DLB-themed ornament explaining how, at the first Christmas, Mr. LeBeau brought the baby Jesus the gift of football.)

Okay, so the pumpkin. I had you ask Chris to draw the symbol for me to cut out, but I did the drilling on my own. I think it turned out pretty nice for someone who hasn’t done this in years.

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That brings me to today, which is one year from our wedding. I’ve christened it our negative-one-year anniversary. We won’t get to spend much time together today — both are busy at work on different shifts — but there will be a few minutes here and there.

I’m so excited to be married to Chris. I feel grateful and lucky every day to have found someone who can tolerate my prickly personality and makes me so happy while doing it. I wouldn’t have had half of the adventures I’ve had in the last few years without her, and my life wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

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She makes me so happy.

Here’s to a great year, followed by a kickass party!

Trip to Latrobe

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Chris, our friend Aubrey, and I are on our way to some no-boy Weiner party at our friend Beth’s. Join us for the drive!

1:13 — Just saw a guy at the five-way intersection at South Park road. He kept circling the pole at the cross walk. For two minutes. Chris and I kept staring at him, and when we pointed it out to Aubrey, she said he was doing that when she passed by on the way to our house. 15 minutes ago.

1:15 — he took off and ran across the road! Still running!

1:17 — tailgated by a hearse! Not the Ecto 1!

1:20 — angry hearse passed us!

1:21 — we are driving into a terrible cloud. Now it’s gone. Oh, Pittsburgh.

1:25 — coffee stop!!

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1:35 — the cloud has returned.

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1:44 — “teeth of the dog” are $30 an hour anytime. Good to know.
1:45 — Chris just called me “idiot broad.”
1:46 — Chris says Ricky Gervais would be welcome to step into our relationship. Huh.
1:51 — plans for a “pickle and wine” party. We are classy!
1:57 — just passed a frightening-looking hot-dog place called The Red Caboose. We want to try it, but it looks closed!
2:01 — just saw a sign for something called a kielbasa Reuben blitz. Holy. Crap.
2:04 — heavy discussion of relationships and marriage. We are serious talkers.
2:09 — X-Files reference. So lost.
2:16 — now discussion of religion. So grown-up!
2:26 — agreement that we are too old to waste time on relationships that aren’t going anywhere. So much agreement.
2:27 –wedding talk!
2:29 — Aubrey could totally marry us, because we have similar views on marriage and weddings. Move over, Ricky Gervais!
2:32 — wedding talk of fathers. No father/daughter dancing at ours, kids.
2:39 — I am a horrible navigator. Not lost but it’s just not my jam.
2:40 — still serious talk about moms and moving and life business. We are so old!
2:46 — here! And the phrase “big bag of dildos” has been uttered. What a great trip!

Dominoes

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When I was a kid, I didn’t know Dominoes was an actual game. I thought you just lined them up and flicked the first one over, setting yourself up for a super-cool 5-10 seconds of payoff. I guess I thought they just had random dots on them for decoration or something. I remember watching a segment on “That’s Incredible!” involving some elaborate course that someone had set up just to be knocked down. All that prep work and everything destroyed in seconds. And then you’re left to clean up the mess.

I mailed in our deposit and contract to the George Washington on Tuesday. Like most things in my life, it was equal parts exciting and terrifying. Also like most things in my life, each thought sets off another like a chain of thought dominoes.

Exciting:

  • Weddings are fun!
  • We agreed on a place, it’s awesome, and our families love it.
  • The food is spectacular.
  • I get to marry my favoritest person in the whole world.

Terrifying:

  • That deposit is just a small portion of — wait, how much? Do I have time to get a second job?
  • What if [insert ridiculous thing that will never, ever happen] happens before/during our wedding?
  • Should we invite so-and-so? What if we do and they’re awful? What if we don’t and they’re mad?
  • What if…the same thing happens that did the last time I tried this?

That last one is the loudest.

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I know. We’re adorable. Let’s enjoy this moment for a bit before we move to the next, which will be less pleasant.

For those of you who don’t know, this is not my first engagement rodeo. I was in a six-year relationship, and we were engaged to be married in…2010. Wow. I really had to think about that. Anyway, things ended up going south a few months before our wedding.  It was…pretty crappy. It was one of those life events that truly shapes who you are as a person but that you have zero interest in revisiting on a regular basis.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m grateful the relationship ended. I don’t mean this to sound cruel to Ex, but that breakup is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I grew as a person, I got out of a relationship that wasn’t the best for either of us, and I proved to myself (again) that I’m stronger than I thought I could be.

Also, I met (both just online and in person) some lovely people because of that engagement. I blogged for a currently nonfunctioning website, So You’re EnGAYged. I’m Facebook friends with a handful of other SYE people, and it makes me so happy to see the events in their lives — weddings, babies, new houses, new jobs, and everything else. Every time Chris and I talk about wedding photographers, I lament the fact that we probably can’t afford to bring in one of the website’s founders, Kelly Prizel, all the way from Connecticut. (I love her photos — check out her site: www.kellyprizel.com. If you’re in her area and need a photographer, you should hire her.) I recently made a sports bet with another former fellow blogger, Raven, about a possible Pirates/Giants Wild Card series. And I’m so excited every time I see my Pittsburgh buddy Alyia post about her upcoming wedding.

Ahem. Tangent.

Anyway, this past weekend, we were talking to my friend about her long-ago divorce, and it (of course) brought up a lot of memories of mine. Well, break-up, technically, since we were never married, which brought with it a whole host of other issues because we had no legal protections. Long story short, for multiple reasons, she told me three months before our wedding that she couldn’t marry me. And I told her that I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t able to get married after six years together. And…it was over. But we still had three cats, a house, and a houseful of stuff to figure out. It was not the best six months of my life.

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I still miss these other two guys sometimes. But certainly not the chubby one’s hair. He shed more than the other two combined. And he pooped so much!

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Another warm-fuzzy break. Us at our engagement party. Photo credit to Chris’ cousin Mindy. Hope you don’t mind that I stole this!

After a night of thought dominoes, I ended up re-rereading the e-mail Ex sent me about why it ended (in which she took zero responsibility, but whatever), and it started a whole other round. What if this happens again?  What if we get closer and closer to the big day next year, and she tells me she can’t go through with it? What if, what if, what if…

I’ve talked to Chris about this. Of course. We talk about everything. (Everything. Seriously.) She assures me that I’m being ridiculous, which I know I am. Chris isn’t Ex. And I’m not 2010 Monica, either.

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Pictured — 2010 Monica and 2010 Abigia. We were such kids!

I have been stressed a lot lately, and I think that’s a lot of it. I know in my head I’m worrying about something that won’t happen, and I trust Chris. She’s not leaving. Neither am I. I just need to remind myself of that sometimes and think about more important things. Like…I hope we can pick different appetizers for cocktail hour. I hope we can be at cocktail hour. Will people think it’s weird if they see us beforehand? Should we walk down the aisle? Should we have a flower girl?

Can we finance our wedding through Kickstarter?

Dominoes.

 

Richmond Visit, part 3

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Well, Graham didn’t destroy the house.

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Where’s my ball, bitch?!

We woke up, packed our stuff, and headed to breakfast. Well, by the time we got there, brunch. Kristin was woken up by her Graham clone early in the morning and did some research on a different place since the one in Petersburg was heartbreakingly closed.

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Couldn’t find one of him so here’s another of Graham. Imagine longer hair that’s orange all over. It’s Romeo!

Holy crap, this place was amazing. And one of the owners was a Steeler fan. Karma led us here.

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Karma made me an omelet and the best damn biscuits I’ve ever had for breakfast.

Everything was so good, including Chris’ sausage gravy and biscuits she’s been wanting since yesterday. The only bad thing about it was the piece of glass she found in it.

Yep. Glass. In gravy.

After reassuring herself that this wasn’t “southern style,” we asked our waitress for more coffee and mentioned there was a giant chunk of glass in the gravy. She was (understandably) mortified and very worried that someone cut themselves. We reassured her all was well — and that we would continue with our meals after a quick glass check — and she filled our coffees (priorities!) and told the kitchen what happened (within our full view).

“Sorry!” with a hand wave.

Well, hope you checked out the rest of the gravy, but whatever.

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Danger inside! Also sausage.

Other than that little misstep, everything was super delicious. And Chris had this fun mug with words of wisdom.

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Also from the glass factory.

We went to pay and I struck up a conversation with the German cashier wearing a soccer shirt. “They’re my team!” she told us proudly. She rang us up (minus glassy gravy) and asked, “You are military, right? No? Well, I’ll give you the discount anyway.”

YEAH!

We got home a little bit ago. It took longer than we planned, partially because of an accident in Winchester. But the company and the drive were lovely, and though I was sad to be back to reality and leave my poor friend IN THE SOUTH, I’m happy to be home with this giant cat. Also, she had NFL Sunday Ticket, so she’ll be just fine.

Plus, she and Chris kept ganging up on me and teasing me. Uncool. In their defense, I’m really easy to make fun of because I take it so seriously. But this morning, I had had enough.

I flicked my hand dismissively at Chris’ plate. “Eat your glass.”

Hilarity ensued.