A Redemption Arc at ClexaCon

At FanExpo last year, one of the stories my newfound friends told was how Michelle, the youngest one of our group, kind of…froze when meeting one of the stars of her favorite web series. Like, she couldn’t talk at all. I mean, who could blame her? Natasha Negovanlis is beautiful, intelligent, and supremely talented.

At NYCC, despite being on all of her radars, Michelle also walked right past her when she was chatting with some friends and completely didn’t notice. At all. A chance at redemption, blown.

When Natasha was announced for ClexaCon, Michelle was…excited and a bit nervous. She assured us (us is comprised of five ladies — me, Michelle, Heidi, Angie, & Belinda) that she would be fine because she had no intention of meeting her. Heidi and I, who were attending the con, had different plans. With the full support of our entire group (and my wife), we purchased a group photo with Natasha and Elise and refused to tell Michelle what we had planned. This was for two reasons. A, we didn’t want her to be nervous. B…we had no idea what it would be.

Until the day before the photo op.

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Time, Time, Time, See What’s Become of Me

So I’ve blogged two days in a row (!) and it feels weird not to do it today. But I have to get ready for work 15 minutes ago, so nothing substantial is coming out of this brain. And I really thought I’d catch up on a lot of this while my wife was out of town, but I feel like I had even less free time than when she’s here! Hopefully in the next few weeks, here are the things you have to look forward to.

  • More in my new favorite blog installment, Monica’s Unnecessarily Long and Detailed TV Recaps (just for Wynonna Earp and not Orphan Black, evil friend who keeps telling me to write about OB)
  • More updates on the #TravelingFandras movement (and when I buy my new shirt, because that’s definitely gonna have to happen. Maybe I can crowd-fund it!)
  • My inability to choose normal blog titles (but Susanna Hoffs, am I right?)
  • Finally finishing blogging about my wedding in 2015 (sorry, honey)

  • Finally writing about ClexaCon and this amazing, epic photo op

  • Also this one

  • And this one, which is in some ways the most important one

Hope to see you soon, friends.

Queer Fangirl AF

Today is National Coming Out Day. I officially came out years ago, and (let’s be honest) unofficially way before that with all of that flannel I wore. Anyone who has ever read this blog knows that it was a rough process for me. Growing up, I felt alone. I thought that no one could possibly feel the way I felt, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. It led to some dark times for me, but I eventually accepted and embraced who I am. I wish I could go back in time and tell this girl that it does, in fact, get better.


One of the roughest things was that I felt like I had no one to talk to about it. I almost kind of did once, that time my “friends” started a rumor about me that I was gay. I introduced myself to a friend of a friend with “I’m Monica, and my friends think I’m gay.” Her response? “I’m Beth, and I don’t care.” (Still friends, by the way.) But after that rumor was shut down, I shut down about it. No sense drawing attention to the thing that almost ruined (and ended) my life.


One of the great things about the internet — and, yes, there are many awful things, but so, so many great ones — is that, no matter what community you want to be a part of, you’ll find it. And with lesbian spaces disappearing, that’s more important than ever.

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Toronto, part 2

I wrote about our first full day in Toronto at Fan Expo here, if you’re interested. If not, let me bottom line it for you. We went to the Wynonna Earp panel and hung out all day in line. It was awesome and amazing and we met cool people, both stars and fans.

Some of those people invited Chris and me to dinner, and we joined them, because I was still riding high on my fangirl buzz. Sadly, Angie had to go home and take care of her and Belinda’s dog, so five of us walked the streets of Toronto a bit, following local Belinda blindly because the Americans didn’t know our way around. Seriously, she could have been taking us to kill us. We didn’t know.

(Let me interrupt this to say that when I talked about dinner on Twitter, I tagged the wrong person. So I “made up for it” my tagging her in a dozen or so pictures that she had nothing to do with. So hopefully I didn’t lose a friend there.

Remember that time I high-fived you a year before we met?!)

On the walk over, I talked a lot with Michelle, who I didn’t chat with much at the Expo. She was saying she connects to TV shows like Wynonna Earp because she lives in Iowa and…there’s no one like her in Iowa. I explained my growing up — West Virginia, Catholic, connecting to gay characters, etc. — and she sympathized. I didn’t actually think we’d have that much in common because I’m so much older than her, but by the end of the 10-minute walk, I wished she lived in Pittsburgh so I could set her up with a friend. They’d be cute together. Damn you, non-existent teleportation!

We got to dinner and sat outside, and that’s when all of the exhaustion and excitement of the day really hit us. Our poor waitress. We inadvertently made her job much, much harder than it should have been, not knowing what to order and oversharing about our big day. She didn’t care, and we didn’t care that she didn’t care. So she learned quite a bit about us.

Belinda told us all how one of the few things that Canada doesn’t do well is Mexican food, despite the waitress’s suggestion of tacos and enchiladas for our dinner. We all listened to her advice…meaning that three of the five people ordered tacos and enchiladas. I found out Heidi is my sauce spirit animal, disliking mayo and sour cream as condiments but liking ranch dressing and sour cream as a dip. She admitted she gets her Primanti’s sandwiches without cole slaw, which I was willing to overlook since she’s a Columbus dweller who has actually been to Pittsburgh and Primanti’s. Plus, next time we go to World Market, we have a new friend to visit.

We took no pictures, so please enjoy this one of Chris and me holding a lantern in front of a covered bridge. 

Belinda, who was wearing a Buffy t-shirt, asked me who the first couple I ever shipped was. I have never been asked this question, but as the words came out of her mouth, I realized I had found my people. I hesitated, not knowing how to answer. “What was the first fanfic you read?” Again, no judgment for reading fancfic — honest curiosity about what the first I read was. “Willow and Tara was the first fanfic, but I think my first ship was probably Dr. Kerry Weaver and Kim Legaspi.” After some exclaiming about Elizabeth Mitchelle and Lost, like you do, I (somewhat embarassedly) admitted that my first (hetero) ship was probably Jack and Jennifer from Days. Instead of scorn, I was met with, “I loved them, too! Their Wild West wedding!” “And his hysterical laryngitis!” Not since Big Gay Tony up and stopped talking to me for no reason had I been able to fangirl like this about Days. Reunited and it feels so good!

 One of my favorite stories of the night was from Heidi about her encounter with the border guard. She explained she was staying with friends she knew only from Twitter. “So you’ve never met in person?” she asked, the look on her face clearly saying she thought Heidi would end up dead. It didn’t seem ridiculous to any of us to stay with someone we hadn’t actually met. It made perfect sense. And perhaps in my episode of “Dateline,” that’s the blog excerpt they’ll read. 

Border guard, if you’re reading this, I’m happy to report Heidi is both alive and well and the proud new owner of a “The 100” sticker from Fangirl shirts, courtesy of me. She said that was the best of my sticker pack, so how could I not give it to her?

Amongst the fangirling, food. Despite Belinda’s warnings, our tacos were delicious. Well, “tacos.” I do not think they were authentic. Also, heated discussion about what goes on a hot dog. If you said “whatever you want,” “ketchup,” or anything but “mustard,” really, a shouting match commenced. 

Also common amongst all of us — a strong love of Harry Potter. “What house are you in?!” I was asked. Later, I did the official sorting on Pottermore, and I disagree with the results. But I digress. 

They also suggested Carmilla, a Canadian lesbian vampire web series sponsored by a feminine-hygiene company. Good recommendation, guys. I may not be as deep as you, but I’m definitely a Creampuff. I think if I had seen it before WE, I would have connected more. 

It was a fun evening with queer ladies who all liked similar things. It was the most comfortable I think I’ve ever felt in a group situation with a bunch of strangers. Say what you want about Wynonna Earp — it brought us all together and made me feel like I had found my people. It’s a feeling I won’t forget soon, and one more thing I’ll always be grateful to that show for. 

That…and this signed comic from Tim Rozon. 

Because queer or not, that is a handsome — and extremely nice — man. 

I’m already looking forward to next year and their (clearly inevitable) trip to Pittsburgh. Angie is a Dodgers fan and I insisted she needed to see PNC Park. They have so many things you can put on hot dogs — pulled pork, pierogies, ketchup. They’ll all love it, I’m sure.