Author: lesbiyinzer

Wynonna Earp 2×01, AKA The One with the Valkyrie in Her Underwear

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So, despite my nonexistent track record with recaps, I’m attempting to write about each episode of Wynonna Earp for this here blog. They’ll be unnecessarily detailed, chock-full of random pop-culture references, and replete with screenshots and snark. They’ll take me way too long to write, and I have no idea if anyone will find them entertaining but me. But I like them, so I’m writing them. Hope you enjoy!

Welcome to the first post in my new series, Monica’s Unnecessarily Long and Detailed TV Recaps! My promise to you by the end of the season is that they will get better.

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Emily Andras blew our minds, Melanie Scrofano made all of the faces and gave us all of the feels, Tim Rozon and Shamier Anderson made all of the queer ladies question their sexuality, and Kat Barrell and Dominique Provost-Chalkley made us realize that we do, in fact, like the ladies and created a couple that made us willing to trust a show again in the process.

WE is back with a vengeance, and yours truly was lucky enough to finagle an early shift to watch it and live-tweet its premiere. I’ve made the questionable decision to recap/review/shout about each episode after it airs. Grab your whiskey, procure your doughnut, and make a salt circle for protection, Earpers, because here we go.

Many thanks to the writers for only making us wait about 3.7 seconds to realize Waverly didn’t shoot Doc or her remaining sister. I mean, we’d all seen the season’s footage and an educated guess would tell you that you couldn’t shoot Doc freaking Holliday and then do a sexy cheerleader dance (complete with sexy-yet-dorky finger guns) for your GIRLFRIEND, but still, good to know it was a Random Creature and not Sweet Baby Waves taking a page from either of her sister’s books and turning the gun on her family.

Waves and Doc run, Wynonna shows up and saves the day, then uses Peacemaker to dispatch Random Creature.
TRIO
“Isn’t he gonna go poof?” “Mm, I guess these guys don’t.”

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Wonder Woman

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Wow.

One little word, but it really sums up how I feel about the new Wonder Woman movie, starring Gal Godot and Chris Pine and masterfully fucking directed by Patty Jenkins. Wow.

I’m bad at watching movies, both in the theater and at home. I see the new Star Wars movies when they come out, and occasionally I’ll agree to watch one at home with Chris, because movies are her favorite, but that’s about it. Nevertheless, I saw this one twice this weekend. And it gave me all of the feelings.

The first time I saw it — a Friday-morning 3D showing, because that’s the only way I’d make it to work on time — I stopped counting how many times I cried after six. I was a little more restrained the second time (meaning I wasn’t sobbing at the opening logo), but it still affected me. I have a lot to say about the movie as a whole, about how it made me feel, and about how this movie was needed right now, but I’m going to try to keep this brief and just talk about a couple of things that really, really hit me.

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Persisting

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The season finale of Supergirl  was last night, and to no one’s surprise, I have a lot of feelings about it. Also to no one’s surprise, I do not have a lot of time. So I’m just going to touch on two sets of women very, very briefly. 

Obviously, spoilers are ahead. 

Alex & Maggie

I have loved this relationship since the beginning. I know some people feel their story was rushed, but I am not one of them. Please keep in mind, though, that I technically moved in with my now-wife after our fifth date. There was a year of long-distance dating and ten years of friendship before that, but still. Date five was a cross-country road trip moving her back to the Burgh.

A lot of people feel that the marriage proposal feels rushed, and if it felt like an actual proposal to me, I’d agree. But it wasn’t. Everyone almost died, Kara lost the man she loved (barf, but whatever), and it had been an intense, action-packed couple of…days? Weeks? Hours? Seasons? Whatever. Shit was crazy. And baby gay Alex looks at her girlfriend and is filled with this euphoria of finally being happy and this terror of almost losing the person who helped her realize said happiness. So she, in true queer-lady fashion, jumps ahead 17 steps and says “marry me.” But. ..it’s one of those things you blurt out in the moment, like when my first girlfriend did the same thing…a fact which my wife had no idea about and led to a great morning conversation. 

Anyway, it didn’t feel real to me. I think Maggie will set her “straight,” so to speak, maybe they’ll move in together, we will see a fight or breakup towards the end of next season, and then this topic will get revisited. So, yes, it would have been too soon if it had been “real.” But I don’t see season 3 opening with Winn at Kleinfelds helping our girls say yes to some dresses. 

Also, eternally hopeful Monica refuses to believe the writers would build up this love story and them have a proposal less romantic than gay prom Valentine’s Day. 

Cat & Lena

Oh, Cat Grant. How I’ve missed you. You stepped in where Eliza couldn’t and mothered the ever-loving fuck out of sweet Kira. Most touching may have been where you admitted you had read all of her articles from your yurt (with or without Rob Lowe) and that her prose was…decent. And then you gave a speech that I want to tattoo on my body so I can reference it at all times. Not as “so say we all” as the previous episode’s, but more “you spoke directly to my heart and I love you.”

 It just feels like this pain isn’t gonna go away. 

Ah, well, that’s what I said about childbirth. But it did. And it will. Now , see, the thing that makes women strong, is that we have the guts to be vulnerable. We have the ability to feel the depths of our emotion, and we know that we will walk through it to the other side. And by the way, you have accomplished great things this year…

But you, my dear, are on a hero’s journey. Like Joseph Campbell would say. And yes, you have hit a bit of an obstacle, but you will soar right over it. Just like I would. Except, of course, you won’t be wearing Louboutins.

Cat telling Kara exactly what she needed to hear, giving her the strength to fight another day — That’s what strong women so. We build each other up. 

What we don’t do is take credit for saving the world when it was actually our genius scientist/CEO daughter who did it. And it’s because of things like that that Lena looks towards evil old-school Lois Lane — ahem, I mean Rhea — for validation. 

Kara is a strong, amazeballs woman because of the women who helped shape her; Lena, in spite of them.

I’m looking forward to what the writers have in store for us next season. Be a Cat, guys. Not a Lillian. Build us up, not make us sad. 

Angry Lesbian

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I am angry. I seem to be that way a lot lately, for varying reasons. Yesterday (and this morning), it was because of TV.

You’re shocked. I know. I hope you are sitting down.

Specifically, it was because of Supergirl. No, not because they killed another queer lady (they didn’t). No, not because of my distaste for Kara’s storyline this season (I do have that, but that wasn’t the case). No, not because of the lack of Cat Grant on my TV (next week!).

It was because of a response to an article that the always-insightful Bridget Liszewski wrote over at The TV Junkies. The article was about queerbaiting and the relationship between Kara and Lena. Just go read the damn thing. It also has a definition of queerbaiting, should you be finding this article because I posted it on Facebook (family/hometown friends) and not on Twitter (my people) and not know what that is.

Someone tweeted a response to her that said a Kara/Lena relationship would “take away” from the already-established, canon queer relationship of Alex and Maggie. This is not the first time I’ve heard a version of that argument, and to say it makes no sense to me is like me saying I’m not a big fan of the current administration. Minor understatement. 

Anyway, when I read this (in the parking lot of a Dunkin’ Donuts, because it was doughnut day and I only bring the very best to my coworkers), I immediately saw red and almost rage-licked the frosting off of a metric shit-ton of doughnuts.

This is a watered-down, fandom version of the argument that gay marriage will take away from “traditional” marriage. (News flash — it hasn’t, it didn’t, and it won’t.) Also, anyone who attended my wedding would agree that it was pretty fucking traditional, except for the fact that no one signed the marriage license with their penis. Or whatever it is men do. I don’t know.

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It really doesn’t get more basic than this.

So, I apologize if this is new information, but in real life, there can be more than one queer couple in any group, and more than one queer person in any friend group. Or at a party. Or at a restaurant. Or basically anywhere except maybe the RNC. But probably even there.

I’m just going to wait to let that sink in.

Next, if there are more than one of us, it doesn’t take anything away from anyone else’s existence, no matter their sexuality.

Okay, now that I’ve dropped those shocking facts, I’m going to move on.

I have written a lot about representation and the value of seeing people like myself on TV, and it’s great. We have come such a long way even if there seems to be an unspoken, unwritten rule about not making a show “too gay.” And then comments like this come along, and I’m reminded of how far we have to go.

When several thoughtful, articulate responses were given to the original dissenter, they eventually (metaphorically) threw up their hands and said, “Whatever. I guess my opinion isn’t valid” or something like that, mentioning that they “had rights, too.”

EQUALITY AND REPRESENTATION AREN’T ABOUT TAKING SOMEONE ELSE’S RIGHTS AWAY.

EQUALITY AND REPRESENTATION ARE ABOUT EQUALITY AND REPRESENTATION.

IF EQUALITY AND REPRESENTATION FEEL LIKE OPPRESSION, LOOK IN A FUCKING MIRROR, BECAUSE THE PROBLEM IS YOU.

So LGBTQ+ representation is okay if it’s just a little bit, huh? It’s okay if there’s just one person/couple? Is that how it works? Do you only have one gay person/couple in your life? If you meet a new one, does the old one have to leave? If this applies to you, I’d love to know because I think it’s time for me to leave your life and make room for the next one. 

Do you have any idea what it’s like to walk into a room and immediately feel out of place because you stick out like a sore thumb? If not, might I recommend being gay, nerdy, and fat in a small Catholic high school in West Virginia? Just kidding, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. And then you think, “Oh, it will get better,” because high school is the Hellmouth and it gets better, right? And then you go to a fall festival with your wife in Ohio in 2016 and everyone fucking stares at you and you think, “Better not hold her hand, because I don’t want to get beaten up.”

Do you know what it’s like to hear, “Oh, my kid remembers your wedding because of the doughnuts and the centerpieces. And not because it was…different”? It hurts. A lot. Because in my mind, the doughnuts and the centerpieces were the things that stuck out, because the two people getting married were just two people in love and who cares about our gender (because gender is a social construct anyway).

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Way more memorable than lesbians.

There is a constant undercurrent of low-key, casual homophobia that queer people encounter in their everyday lives. A handful of examples:

  • people wondering “who the guy is” in a queer-lady relationship (neither of us is the guy)
  • assuming that I would like an episode of something just because it features a same-sex couple, especially reality TV (FALSE)
  • assuming I would like someone just because they’re gay (just because you’re queer doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole)
  • a man making a casual comment about my appearance and how it’s…causing an excited reaction (uncomfortable on so many levels and has happened more times than I can count)
  • Chris and I being treated like we are literally just “gal pals” and not a regular married couple who are more than just friends (this manifests itself in A LOT OF WAYS)
  • having to explain why going to a country with anti-gay laws doesn’t really work for us, vacation-wise
  • explaining why saying something is “gay” in a negative way is bad, and then having to defend yourself when you do 

So, another same-sex relationship on a show wouldn’t take away from the one that’s already there. If anything, it gives it even more validity, because it’s approaching the normalcy of the everyday life we lead. We are still fighting homophobia every single day. It’s just more subtle than it used to be. 

In conclusion, don’t be a dick, people. Think before you speak.

And watch Supergirl. Sanvers is magical, but if I looked at my “friends” the way Lena and Kara look at each other, Chris would immediately drag me to couples’ therapy to repair our marriage, and rightfully so. SuperCorp is real, and the writers have a responsibility to its gay following not to jerk us around. 

Lettuce

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This weekend, we facetimed with  my sister-in-law, Amy, about a thousand times. It was pretty entertaining, even if it’s just to see her reaction to stuff. 


That’sy wife and my sister-in-law Amy (AKA Lettuce). 

She has my favorite dog. 


We are birthday twins and like a lot of the same things. 


I have never had a sister, but I have to say she was worth the wait. 


Also, I may have seen Scary Lettuce for the first time today, so I’m just trying to keep on her good side. 

Old Man Graham 

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If you don’t know, we have a cat. His name is Graham. 


Graham is pretty old — 11 or 12 years. I don’t actually know for sure how old he is, because I am old and my memory isn’t great. My ex and I adopted him when he was about 6 months old. I named him that because he was the color of a graham cracker and definitely not after a queer lady movie character. We brought him into a house with two cats who had been together for 9 years. They got along okay, but he was always kind of a loner. 


Then the other cats packed up their U-hauls and moved out, along with my ex, and suddenly Graham went from two mothers and two brothers to just me. 


He was pretty confused for a while, and I still say he has abandonment issues because of it. He followed me around after my breakup, constantly yelling at me (he’s very loud) and snuggling with me on the couch and in bed. He used to wait until I turned over on my left side and then stretch himself along my back, falling asleep. That doesn’t happen anymore because there’s a strict “no cats in the actual bed” rule, so he often curls up at my feet, stretching himself along my legs. 

He receives two pills a day now, the result of a few vet visits and some uneven thyroid levels. Chris and I have noticed that he still seems to be losing weight. He’s not as puffy and chubby as he used to be, and I can feel his bones now through his skin when I pet him. 


I look at him now, curled up on his Poang IKEA chair, sleeping away, oblivious to the TV and his worried mother. 

I’ve never lost a pet — he’s the first one I ever really had that was my own — and I’m not looking forward to it. Chris and I think that time might be sooner rather than later, but maybe we are just paranoid. 

But he’s happy and not in pain and still playful as a kitten when we bust out the Star Wars laser pointer. And he certainly hasn’t lost his appetite. 

Hug your cats extra hard today, friends. And I’ll do the same. 

Wynonna Earp on Netflix

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So, I’m sitting on my couch, trying to write about ClexaCon, and part of the problem is that I watched S1E1 of Wynonna Earp on Netflix this morning, and I’m pretty jazzed.

Yes, that’s right. The show I’ve been screaming about for months is on Netflix.

If you haven’t watched it, go do it. Now. Go watch it. It’s amazing and awesome.

Now, I realize not everyone will get the same feelings I did after watching. Maybe you can turn on the TV and see yourself represented no matter what show you choose. Maybe you don’t care about great writing, strong female characters, and queer representation. Maybe you think Val Kilmer is the best Doc Holliday and won’t allow your mind to be changed. Maybe you hate happiness. I don’t know your life!

But if none of those things apply, check it out. I allowed myself to watch the pilot this morning (I have stuff to do so I couldn’t sit down and watch the entire series EVEN THOUGH I WANTED TO), and here are some reasons you should watch, based solely on the pilot.

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Buffy Turns 20

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So, I was at ClexaCon over the weekend and got back late Tuesday night. That meant that I went from working a 3-11pm ET shift to partying until 2am PT to waking up at 5:30am ET on Wednesday. I was basically a zombie and have been chasing sleep the entire week. I was too drained to write anything on the actual 20th anniversary — yesterday — but I figured, hey, I’m only a day late, right?

Sadly, my journey with Buffy did not begin 20 years ago yesterday. I was a latecomer to this show despite my brother’s attempts to get me to watch it. One night in my old apartment — which was either super cold or super hot, depending on the season — I was flipping through the channels and stumbled upon a rerun — Out of Mind, Out of Sight. Coincidentally, this was the only episode I had any interest in watching, as it starred my number-one celebrity crush at the time (and now, really), Clea Duvall. I watched it, probably huddled under a blanket 0r wearing a bikini, and thought, “Okay, that’ll do it.”

Fast-forward five years or so, and my friend M was going through a really bad breakup. Her longtime girlfriend had cheated on her with someone she met on the internet, and M had picked up and moved from their life together in less than two days. A mutual guy friend, D, suggested that we start watching Buffy together as a thing to do after work. They were both single, and I was in a long-distance relationship, so it worked for us. In the beginning, he dictated which episodes we watched and didn’t, as he was the expert and could tell us which ones to skip.

Let’s pause a moment to eye roll at the patriarchy. Fuck you, The Patriarchy!

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Hymns 

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It’s interesting what sticks with you over the years. 

I was raised Roman Catholic. I had two Catholic parents and a Catholic brother. Dave and I attended the same Catholic grade and high schools that my mother graduated from. I attended a Catholic university and received a degree in Theology. So I feel confident in saying that I have, at minimum, a basic understanding of Christianity. 

Up until last year, I hadn’t attended mass in quite a few years — At least three. I hadn’t attended regularly since my first year of college (sorry, Mom!), and I hadn’t been back to any other mass since a priest had a bit of gay-bashing in his sermon. 

One of my close friends — a devout Catholic– died last year, and I attended her funeral mass. The one thing that stuck with me (other than the fact that the priest refused to shake my right hand, opting for left, despite shaking everyone else’s right) was how many of the hymns I remembered. I guess when you sing them at least twice a week for nine years (Sunday mass plus Wednesday children’s mass during grade school), they stick with you. 

As the country is descending into what feels like the darkest place it has in a long time, I see a lot of self-proclaimed Christians speaking out in favor of our president and some of his executive orders, either rumored or fact. “Close the borders!” “Make our country safe from the immigrants!” “Bomb them all and let God figure jt out!” “Don’t make me bake a cake for a gay!” “Jesus says it’s wrong!”

Sigh. 

I’m reminded of the Prayer of St. Francis. 

Make me a channel of your peace 

Where there’s despair in life let me bring hope

Where there is darkness, only light

And where there’s sadness ever joy…

And also “Whatsoever You Do.”

Whatsoever you do to the least of my people

That you do unto me

Also “Let There Be Peace on Earth,” a personal favorite of a longtime priest at my home parish. 

Let peace begin with me

Let this be the moment now.

With every step I take

Let this be my solemn vow.

To take each moment

And live each moment

With peace eternally.

Let there be peace on earth,

And let it begin with me

And just a good, old-fashioned bible quote. 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34

Jesus would not have turned away immigrants, nor would he have supported a thinly veiled law for “religious freedom” that seeks to deny the rights of LGBTQIA folks (or, as one of these Christians said to me, “LGBTXYZ or whatever”). He wouldn’t have approved of violence against Muslims, Christians, atheists, gays, or, you know, anyone.

When you want to “make America great again,” remember that you, too, are most likely descended from immigrants and that this “great” country was built on the backs of slavery and genocide, two things Jesus most certainly did not condone or support. Please be mindful of the “greatness” you are claiming you want to go back to. 

Whether you believe in them or not, I would hope you could agree that the stories of Jesus paint a picture of a man who put love above all else. 

If you consider yourself a Christian, I would just ask that you examine your life and do the same.

Paper

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Monday, Chris and I celebrate one year of marriage. The optimist in me wants to say “one year of wedded bliss,” but anyone who’s a regular human knows that that’s…a bit of a stretch. Honestly, going into this, I thought, “I’ve got this marriage thing in the bag. No problem.” We had been together for four years when we got married (and had lived together for three of those years), and I assumed that we would just continue on, business as usual.

I was wrong. Marriage is wonderful and amazing and glorious. It’s also hard, frustrating, and aggravating. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else, nor do I want to be. I have never loved anyone like I do my wife, but on the flip side of that coin, no one frustrates me anywhere near as much. (I just read her this, by the way, and she laughed — because she agrees with me, I assume.)

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